


A love worth fighting for

by vavavavoom_beautifulbeautifulbombshell



Series: A love like this [2]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Lesbians in Space, No Lesbians Die, Romance, Smut, Space Wives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:33:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 23,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28387839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vavavavoom_beautifulbeautifulbombshell/pseuds/vavavavoom_beautifulbeautifulbombshell
Summary: The continuation of This never happened before. This second part follows the relationship between Kathryn and Seven and their everyday life on board Voyager. Will they be able to maintain a healthy balance between work life and their private life together? Follow our leading ladies on this journey and on many adventures, explorations, good times, and bad ones.
Relationships: Kathryn Janeway/Seven of Nine
Series: A love like this [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2065374
Comments: 28
Kudos: 26





	1. Trouble in paradise

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, my lovely readers and welcome back to Part 2 of my series A love like this! For those of you who are new and haven't read the first part of this series before, please make sure to do so first. Without further ado, I hope you guys are going to enjoy this new part of this series. :)

**0800 Astrometrics lab**

I am currently busy with the last preparations for my duty shift when the door swishes open, familiar footfall approaching. The Commander? What is he doing here at this hour? It is 0800 hours. He should be on the bridge with Kathryn. I frown and turn around, about to greet him when I notice his expression. His eyes look wild, his perspiration far above what could be considered healthy levels, his pupils dilated and to my disgust, his pheromone levels are increased, emitting a sickening smell.

I have a hard time not to gag, my stomach having twisted painfully. He starts to approach me, but I block him from doing so by grabbing him by the collar with my left hand which causes him to chuckle. “Feisty, are we? I know you want this as much as I do, Seven. How about that? You let me down and we'll have a little fun together, me and you. Let me show you what real sex is.”

I can not believe this man! Before now I had been convinced he was harboring feelings for Kathryn still and now he is suddenly trying to have his way with me? This is outrageous!

I tighten my grip on him, my tone icy. “How dare you talk to me like that? What are you taking me for, Commander? I do not wish to do anything to you apart from kicking you where it hurts the most! You should know better than to test my patience. I love Kathryn, we are lovers, in a serious relationship, I am not, I repeat that for you not interested in you in any form or way! Did I make myself clear? You are obviously deluded and belong to sickbay. I am going to initiate emergency transport there now.”

His jaw tightens at this and he hisses out between gritted teeth. “You'll do none of that, Borg! Let go of me this instant. I'm not deluded. In fact, I haven't seen more clearly than I do at this very moment. You're scum. I can't believe Kathryn would stoop so low as to associate with the likes of you. No fraternizing, my ass! She went to that Borg cube, snitching you from there so she'd have a nice little pet to play with. I could have given her children, provided her with a proper family and the sex would've been far better than those blasphemous actions the two of you are performing with each other. The mere imagination of the two of you being 'intimate' makes me wanna retch!”

Enough with this bullshit! Even my patience has its limits and he has far exceeded those. I cry out much like a Klingon warrior before throwing him hard against the wall. A sickening crack that makes me want to empty the contents of my stomach for real this time resounds off the walls. I clench and unclench my fist to calm myself before calling out. “Computer, initiate emergency transport to sickbay.” For a moment I contemplate whether I should accompany him and after heaving a sigh, I call out. “Initiate direct transport to sickbay.”

The familiar blue light of the transporter beam engulfs me at this and within the blink of an eye, I rematerialize in sickbay. The Doctor comes rushing over to me and I tell him immediately. “The Commander poses a serious threat both to himself and the rest of the crew. Please erect a level ten force field around the medbay, Doctor.”

He nods and tells me to my relief. “I have already done so, Seven. The Captain has informed me not too long ago that the Commander hadn't shown up for his duty shift on the bridge this morning and knowing his health history I was instantly alert at this, especially since he had failed to show up for his regular check-ups for a while now. I have sedated him for now, although this is by no means a permanent solution...”

I blink as the doors to sickbay open, my heart beating faster as a familiar set of footfall is approaching, Kathryn's voice soon greeting my ears. “Seven! Gods, you are okay. I was so worried when I checked your lab just now and you were nowhere to be found, especially seeing as there was blood on the wall.”

I rub my neck sheepishly. “That would be the Commander's blood. He left me with no choice but to knock him unconscious since he refused to report to sickbay despite very obviously being in a severely deluded state and very violent as well.”

Kathryn frowns at this and asks the EMH. “Doctor, what's going on with him? Do you have any clue as to what could've caused this sudden drastic decrease in his state of health?”

The Doctor shakes his head, frowning. “I'm afraid that I am stumped as of now. I should add, however, that Seven has merely initiated an emergency transport for him here shortly before you arrived and I have sedated the Commander for safety reasons.”

Kathryn nods slowly, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I see. That sedative won't keep him unconscious for very long though. Will it? He's a tall, heavy man after all...”

I have experienced that first hand earlier. My stomach once again twists painfully at that very unpleasant memory. I can not stand being in the same room with this man any longer, unconscious, or not.

I rush out of sickbay and into the turbo lift. My thoughts running a mile an hour, the blood rushing in my ears. “Darling, what's wrong? You look awfully pale.” Unable to look into Kathryn's eyes, I mutter under my breath. “I am not well... I need to regenerate...”

I frown at her words, deeply concerned for Seven's well-being. Just what has happened earlier in her lab? If only I would've arrived there earlier...

The familiar sickening guilt that feels like a punch to the gut grips me. I wrap my arms around her, desperate to provide some source of comfort, calling out. “Deck 3, captain's quarters.”

My worry only increases when I notice that she has started to shiver in my arms. Just what has he done to her? She claimed earlier that he didn't harm her, but everything about this situation and her behavior says otherwise.

Once we're back at our quarters, I usher her into the bedroom where her alcove is standing. She hasn't used it in a while, preferring to sleep than regenerate these days.

The fact that she now practically begged for regeneration is alarming. She almost falls out of the apparatus, but I, fortunately, manage to catch her in my arms, preventing this from happening.

Her cheeks are flushed, her eyes still downcast, tone embarrassed. “I apologize, Kathryn. This is most uncomfortable. I am not used to being this... weak.”

I gently cup her cheeks, noticing to my shock that they are tear-stained. “Oh my God, darling! You're crying. What happened earlier in your lab? I refuse to let you regenerate before you told me the truth. What did he do to you? Did he touch you?”

I feel a vile feeling in the pit of my stomach at the thought of a severely deluded Chakotay laying his hands on my poor darling, harming her...

We sit down on the edge of our bed and to my surprise she crawls onto my lap, burying her face in my chest. I run my hands gently through her hair which to my shock feels clammy and sticks to her scalp, her breathing ragged.

For a moment we simply sit like this, tears running down my own cheeks and I let them, the sight of my beloved in this most vulnerable state is too much even for me to handle.

I tap my comm badge weakly and call out. “The Captain to Commander Tuvok. There was an emergency situation, but it is under control for the moment. Seven of Nine and I are off duty for today. Commander, you have the bridge. Also, please send two of your security personnel to sickbay to watch over Commander Chakotay. The Doctor has erected a level 10 force field around the medbay and the Commander is sedated, but I better want to be safe than sorry.”

He answers me right away. “Understood, Captain. I will report to you in case of an emergency only. Tuvok out.”

I sigh heavily, taking my comm badge off, not wanting to be disturbed. “Seven? Darling, please tell me what happened earlier.”

I blink when I get no response, my heart melting upon noticing her breathing has turned even and she has fallen asleep.

I guess that means no regeneration this time. Careful not to wake her up, I gently lay her on the bed before joining her there.

She scoots closer to me, soon spooning me as per usual. My poor darling. I swear if Chakotay has harmed her in any way, deluded or not I will not go easy on him.

If necessary, I'll throw him in the brig for a while...


	2. Panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After coming back from sickbay, Chakotay put in stasis for the time being following Kathryn's order, Kathryn who's increasing headaches are impairing her thought process notices to her shock that Seven has vanished without a trace...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to this story, everyone! It's been a while, hasn't it? I hope you've all been doing well. The plot is thickening. I hope you're all still enjoying this story. If you are, please be so kind to let me know. :)

**1200 hours captain's quarters**

“The Doctor to the Captain!” I groan out and open my eyes, tapping my comm badge.

“Yes, Doctor? I hope you have a good reason to hail me.”

I frown when he states, voice sounding frantic. “Captain, he woke up!”

I sigh and ask him impatiently. “Who woke up, Doctor?”

My eyes widen in panic when he whispers. “The Commander! He's wreaking havoc in here...”

I reply, command voice back in check. “I'm on my way!”

Not wanting to waste any time, I order a direct transport to sickbay. The mere thought of being confronted with a raging Chakotay makes me feel sick.

When I rematerialize in sickbay, I'm relieved to find the force field still activated around the medbay. I back away as Chakotay approaches the forcefield, asking the Doctor cautiously. “Can he see what's going on outside of the forcefield, Doctor?”

To my relief, he shakes his head. “No, Captain. I made sure to obstruct his vision, just to be on the safe side.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose, already feeling a headache build up behind my eyes. “I'd hoped the effects of the sedative would last longer. Guess he's even stronger than I'd given him credit. Any ideas what we could do now? Have you discovered any explanation for his drastic decrease in health while examining him yet, Doctor?”

He shakes his head. “I'm afraid I'm stumped, Captain. His physical state is optimal. I would like to continue monitoring his brainwaves, however, just to be on the safe side. As for your earlier question. I could try to give him a stronger sedative, but that would merely do so much.”

I nod slowly, pondering for a moment before it hits me. “How about we put him in stasis for the time being? That worked out well the last few times we performed that procedure.”

He frowns at this. “Captain, putting any crewmember in stasis should always be the last option. I'm reluctant to agree to this. It can have lasting side-effects on the organism.”

I guess he's right about this. The only other option I see is to confide him to the brig for the time being, but I know that that's not the most optimal solution either.

Now I could really use a cup of coffee, my head's starting to kill me. Why am I so tired? Gods, I've literally just slept when I was in my quarters with Seven. This makes no sense at all!

I pinch the bridge of my nose to lessen my headache which only helps so much. Eager to leave sickbay, I tell the Doctor in my command voice. “It's the best solution I can think of at the moment, Doctor. Put the Commander in stasis, that's an order!”

He sighs and nods slowly. “Alright then, Captain. I hope we're not going to regret this decision.” I hope so too, but I guess only time will tell...

After successfully putting Chakotay in stasis, he'd as expected given us a hard time first and put up quite a fight when we wanted to sedate him, but thankfully B'Elanna helped us out and with a combined effort we finally managed to sedate him, I ride the turbo lift back to our quarters.

I wonder how Seven is doing. Her state still worries me and I wish she'd tell me what has happened at her lab with Chakotay. Maybe she'll be more cooperative after getting some rest.

Gods, Katie. Did you really just think that? It's your darling Seven we're talking about here, not some random alien I'm currently holding in the brig.

Guess, I'm more sleep-deprived than I thought I was... I sigh softly when I enter the threshold of our quarters, confusion and worry soon overcoming me.

Seven is not here. Where is she? After checking our quarters thoroughly just to make sure that I haven't missed out on anything and come up empty-handed, I call out. “Computer, locate Seven of Nine.”

I feel my heart drop at the response. “Seven of Nine is not on board this ship.” She's not on board this ship? How can this be? Where is she?

Maybe she has used one of her Borg methods to conceal her biosignature. I can't and I won't believe that she's simply abandoned ship like that.

There's gotta be a logical explanation for this. She was not herself earlier and seemed clearly shaken by what transpired between Chakotay and her in her lab this morning.

Taking that into consideration, it could very well be that she simply took off her comm badge, concealed her biosignature to make it seem like she's no longer on board, so she could have a moment of solitude.

The question is where did she go and what if my assumptions are wrong and she indeed has taken a shuttle and abandoned ship for some reason?

I sigh out and leave our quarters again. As much as I would've loved to at least get myself a cup of coffee, Seven's safety and well-being are far more important. If she's truly left we need to find her as soon as possible.

Just how long had I been in sickbay? I honestly can't tell. Damn, those headaches! If only I did drink that coffee after all. Screw that now. I have no time to lose. If Seven really has abandoned ship after all then I'll have to make the necessary arrangements and we'll have to search the area for her.

After checking every possible location of the ship, it soon becomes obvious that she indeed must have left.

I rush back to our quarters. I need to think and I really do need a strong cup of coffee right now. Actually I feel like simple coffee may not be enough on a day like this.

Pondering for a moment, I call out. “White Russian.” It's one of these days, alright.

I hope Seven's not gonna decapitate me shall we find her again. Knowing her opinion on hard liquor, I wouldn't be surprised if she'd at least lash out at me for making that choice.

To hell with it. She's the one who left me behind for no reason. I sigh and take a first furtive sip from my drink. Wow. The improvement B'Elanna and she have made to my replicator truly has paid off! This indeed tastes like the real deal.

That's just what I needed now. As I sit back on the couch I suddenly notice a padd lying on the coffee table. Hu, that's strange. Where's that coming from and how come I hadn't noticed it before? I didn't place that there.

I pick it up from the coffee table, a message that sends shivers down my spine revealing before my eyes.

_Kathryn, if you read this I have already left. Do not look for me. I enjoyed our time together, but I had to depart. It was necessary. I wish we could have spent more time with each other and things could have gone differently. Please take care of yourself while I am not around. In eternal admiration, Seven_

“Nooooooo!” Why? Seven. Why did you leave? Where did you go? What made you think your departure was the only option? Why did you not talk to me?

I down the residual of my drink before leaving our quarters. If Seven thinks I won't search for her then she doesn't know me as well as I gave her credit for.

I won't rest until she'll be back in my arms, safe and sound. If our journey will get delayed due to that then so be it. Seven's certainly worth the small delay. I won't leave this Godforsaken quadrant without her. That's not an option.


	3. Suspicions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kathryn can't take the pain of being parted from Seven and goes to Cargo Bay 2 in search of comfort. The next thing she knows she wakes up in sickbay, her body unable to cope with the exhaustion and emotional stress of losing her beloved, not knowing where she might be. During her next duty shift, a suspicion regarding who could be responsible for her darling's disappearance causes Kathryn to take action...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, lovelies! I'm back again with a new chapter. Poor Kathryn has to suffer still. She simply can't be without her Seven. Maybe her plan will prove to shed light on the situation. I hope you're all still enjoying this story. If you are, please be so kind and let me know. I always appreciate your feedback. :)

**End of Alpha shift the same day**

I sigh in exhaustion, pinching the bridge of my nose.

“Good work, everyone! I'll see you again tomorrow.”

At that, I exit the bridge, taking the turbo lift down to Deck 8.

It might be odd, but somehow I long to go to that dreadful cargo bay, the place where it all started, so to say, despite her alcove not being in there anymore, let alone her...

Once the doors to the hostile bay are closed with a secure lock, I walk in the direction where her alcove used to stand before it was re-located to our quarters. Seeing the empty spot suddenly fills me with such a profound sense of grief that I break down, falling on my knees, crying out urgently.

“Seven! Where are you, my love? Why did you leave me behind?”

I curl up into a fetal position, frantically rocking back and forth, uttering,

“P-please come back... I need you... I love you... I can't... be... without you...”

I blink my eyes open, my head throbbing, a distant voice slowly entering my consciousness.

“Captain, can you hear me? Please nod your head once if you understand me.”

Who is this? Where am I? I slowly nod my head, groaning out in agony at the sharp pain said action evokes. Gods, it hurts like hell! Just what's it with these raging headaches these days? Maybe drinking that White Russian earlier was a mistake.

I slowly force my eyes open, a decision I regret immediately as the blinding white lights of sickbay greet me. Damn that!

“Captain, we found you earlier in Cargo Bay 2. You are lucky Icheb managed to open the doors with a manual override. May I know just what it was that you were doing in there?”

I have a hard time not rolling my eyes at the Doctor's incessant rambling which only worsens my headaches, my command voice in check.

“I was looking for Seven who has vanished earlier today, Doctor, actually I was searching for clues as to where she could have gone to, or why.”

He frowns and lays a hand on my forehead, making me flinch.

“Oh my. Captain, you're burning up! It's no surprise you're being deluded with a fever like that. I'll try to stabilize you now. Odd. I only checked your vitals a moment ago and there was no trace of a fever, or even increased temperature there.”

A fever? You can't be serious! I grit my teeth, telling him firmly.

“Doctor, please rid me of that fever and those raging headaches so I can look for Seven. It's been hours since she disappeared and frankly, there are more important things for me to do than stay here in sickbay. No offense, Doctor.”

He looks slightly piqued, but nods in understanding, his own voice now laced in his equivalent of concern.

“Of course, Captain. I'll get to treating your symptoms right away. A hypospray should suffice for the time being. I'll give you a neural transceiver to monitor your state. That way I'll immediately be alerted shall your state worsen drastically again. I'm sure it's in both our interest that something like earlier in the cargo bay shall not happen again.”

I nod slowly, rubbing the bridge of my nose.

“Very well, Doctor. Feel free to take whatever measures you deem necessary, as long as I'll be free to leave sickbay again. Just how long have I been out by the way?”

I think I must be hearing things when he tells me.

“10 hours, Captain, give or take.”

10 hours? Just what time is it now? I dread the answer before even having asked the question, my tone hesitant.

“What time is it right now, Doctor?”

My eyes widen in shock, an involuntary shriek escaping my lips.

“0700 hours, Captain.”

No way! Seven could be anywhere by now.

I feel my hope dwindling, my heart aching. Ignoring my ever-increasing headaches and protesting body, I prop up on my arms and am about to leave, but get stopped by the surprisingly firm grip from the ship's resident hologram.

“Not so fast, Captain. I have yet to alleviate your fever and headaches. Also, we agreed on attaching a neural transceiver to your neck earlier.”

I sigh and lay back down, raising my arms in surrender.

“Please work your magic on me, Doctor. I can't risk going to duty in my current state. I need to set a good example for my crew after all. A sick captain is an inefficient captain.”

He looks at me with a frown, pressing the hypospray against my neck. I wince at the contact, the contents releasing directly into my bloodstream with the typical hiss.

The effect is almost instant. The headaches soon having dulled considerably, finally allowing me to think more clearly again.

After running a tricorder over my body and attaching the neural transceiver to the side of my neck, the Doctor finally grants me permission to go on duty.

I breathe out a sigh of relief once I'm finally in my ready room again. After the events of yesterday, I simply can't face my fellow bridge staff today. Fortunately, Tuvok understood me right away without needing any explanation. One look at my face and he knew it all.

It's funny, how despite his Vulcan heritage he can read me like an open book. Or is it thanks to that? Then again, we've known each other for so long now and have been friends for almost just as long. I guess it only makes sense that he'd know me well enough by now to sense when I need my solitude.

I was about to call in sick today earlier when I first entered the bridge, much against my usual nature, feeling a strong urge to hide in the safety of my quarters and bawl my eyes out. Nothing good ever came out of succumbing to the void, however, so I, in the end, decided against that.

Seven wouldn't want me to neglect my duties either, I'm sure. What wouldn't I give for a can of that delightful special coffee of hers right now and have her here with me as moral support.

I force down a sob that threatens to worm its way up my throat at the thought, loneliness so profound that it makes me wanna howl clawing at my heart.

I can't be without her. It's impossible. A little voice in the back of my head tells me.

'That's what you get for fraternizing with a subordinate, Katie. You knew you wouldn't be able to take losing her. Your ship should always come first. The interest of the many outweighs that of the single individual.'

I get up from my chair, walking over to the replicator, barking out.

“Coffee, black, extra strong.”

The replicator hums and soon enough, my favorite silver mug materializes in front of my eyes.

I lift the mug up to my nose, inhaling the comforting rich aroma, my eyes widening. It smells different. Hm, probably because I ordered the extra strong version today,

When I take the first gulp, my eyes widen in sheer disbelief. This can't be! That by no means is ordinary replicator coffee. It smells and tastes like Seven's home ground version. How?

I feel tears welling up in my eyes, swallowing and trying in vain to get rid of the big, fat lump that has formed in my throat.

I sink down onto the couch on the upper level of the room, nursing the cup while gazing out at the stars rushing by in front of my viewport.

My tired, lonely mind must clearly be playing tricks on me. I'm such an old fool. This coffee can't taste, or even smell like Seven's home ground version. How would this be possible?

I close the doors to my ready room with one of my authorization codes, instructing the computer to inform anyone who wants to enter that I do not wish to be disturbed for the time being.

Unless there's gonna be a red alert, which I highly doubt, I want to be left alone. I need to come up with a plan for how to find Seven.

She stated in that message on the padd she left behind, that she doesn't want me to look for her. I can't and won't believe that she actually meant that, however.

Suddenly a thought strikes me. What if she got kidnapped and someone forced her to write me that message?

The Borg! I tap my comm badge, hailing Tuvok. “Commander, scan the area for Borg vessels. Chances are high that Seven is being held captive on one of them.”

A crackle resounds off my chest followed by my old friend's voice.

“Understood, Captain. I will inform you of our findings right away. Tuvok out.”

It's just a hunch, but the Queen has tried to get Seven to rejoin the Collective many times before and often in rather sneaky ways.

I wouldn't be surprised if she was behind Seven's sudden disappearance this time as well. I swear, if my assumptions should prove to be correct, I won't go easy on that Shemachine this time. No one steals my lover, probably performing Lord knows what kind of horrific procedures on her without having to deal with my wrath and vengeance.

Revenge is sweet, Queen! Better be prepared for the worst. I have a hard time not to cry out at the sheer horror my poor darling might be going through right now, shall she really be back on one of those dreadful Borg cubes.

Hang in there, Seven. I'll be coming for you. No matter where you are and what it might take, I'll always come back for you!

I get up and start pacing my ready room, anxiously awaiting a response from Tuvok...


	4. The search continues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kathryn calls for a spontaneous senior staff meeting, hoping her fellow senior staff will be able to help her find any clues on Seven's whereabouts and reasons for vanishing from one moment to the other. She soon comes to realize that she's by far not the only person on board Voyager who worries for the blonde's well-being and wants her to come back home, a fact that deeply moves the Captain who's determined to not give up hope until Seven's back safe and sound.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to this story, everyone! I hope you're going to enjoy this chapter. If you do, please be so kind to let me know. I always appreciate to hear your honest opinion. :)

**1400 hours conference room**

After Tuvok reassuring me that there are in fact no Borg vessels in our vicinity, I spontaneously called in a senior staff meeting, hoping my most experienced, trusty officers might be able to come up with any ideas on other options regarding Seven's current location, or even her reasons for deciding to abandon ship just like that. 

The room slowly starts to fill with my senior officers who are awfully quiet, for their standards anyway. Even B'Elanna and Tom arrive both on time and without causing a scene as is the norm for them. Out of respect, everyone has agreed to leave Seven's usual seat vacant today.

As I gaze into the faces of my senior staff, the force of their emotions hits me right where it hurts the most. Eyes laced with compassion, concern, some even with grief and the all too familiar guilt are looking my way and quickly shift once they notice my own pair is on them.

What do they feel guilty for? What gives them the right to grief, to be concerned? Are they concerned for her, or for me? I clear my throat, speaking up a tad too firmly.

“As you have noticed already, one of us has vanished without a trace while another had to be put in stasis to ensure both their own and the crew of this ship's safety.”

I stop my speech when Tom chimes in. “Captain, we know that this is a tough situation for you. I think I speak for all of us when I tell you that we'd understand if you needed time to yourself to deal with your loss-”

I feel my blood boil in fury, my tone having turned icy, shooting what my crew commonly refers to as 'death stare' in my pilot's direction. “You know nothing, Ensign Paris! The last time I checked, your girlfriend was sitting right there next to you, healthy and in one piece. 

However, despite my lover having vanished, I forbid you to try undermining my authority or claiming that I am no longer fit for duty. What I need isn't time to myself, but a solution on how to trace one of my crew, part of us, Voyager's senior staff, a valued member of us, who would've never willingly left this ship and her crew behind. 

It has been a day since she has disappeared and frankly, we're losing time. She could be anywhere by now. Lieutenant Commander Tuvok has scanned the area for Borg vessels earlier, following a hunch of mine, but those scans, fortunately, came back negative.

If anyone has any clue regarding what could have happened there, or where Seven could be, please feel free to share it here during this meeting.”

The Doctor, to my chagrin, chimes in. “Shortly before her sudden disappearance, Seven had been in sickbay with me, as you're aware, Captain. She had initiated an emergency transport there for the Commander who had wreaked havoc in the Astrometrics lab. 

I had immediately sedated him once he'd arrived in sickbay, his appearance speaking volumes, hair disheveled, eyes wild and unfocused, a manic grin on his face, increased perspiration, high pulse, dilated pupils, and increased production of pheromones, mainly testosterone. 

On top of that, he was acting very irrational and violent, according to Seven's words. 

I had immediately erected a level ten forcefield around the medbay for the Commander and the crew of this ship's safety, but due to his height and weight the effects of the sedative wore off after a few hours which led to the Captain deciding to put him in stasis for the time being, against my advice as a medical professional, I must add.”

I grit my teeth at his words, telling him defensively. “It was the only other option, aside from throwing him in the brig, or out the next airlock, Doctor. 

Chakotay is a danger to himself and the crew of this ship, to Voyager herself. Drastic situations call for drastic measures. We won't keep him in stasis forever, only for as long as we've found a better solution. 

Anyway, enough talk of the Commander. I was aware of everything you just said there, Doctor, and I don't see why you had to point it out again. Does anyone around here have an idea regarding Seven?”

For a moment, silence is the only thing greeting me from my fellow senior staff, the kind in which you could figuratively hear a pin drop. 

That is until B'Elanna to my astonishment asks me. “Have you scanned Seven's alcove to see if there are any abnormalities already, Captain?” 

I shake my head and answer her. “No, we haven't done that yet. In all honesty, I hadn't even considered that option yet. Lieutenant, I want you to run a diagnostic on Seven's alcove right after this meeting. On top of that and that is just another hunch of mine, but I want you to also scan the area in Cargo Bay 2 that originally used to house Seven's alcove. Something tells me we might find something there. 

Ensigns Paris and Kim, I want you two to check the ship's shuttle bay and find out if there have been any unauthorized shuttle launches within the last 24 hours and if any of our shuttles are missing in general. 

Commander Tuvok, I want you to check the ship's computer to find out if there were any breaches in security, or any abnormalities within the last 24, no make that 48 hours. 

Doctor, I want you to check out Seven's old nanoprobes to find out if the problem might be within Seven herself, her Borg systems working against her, so to say. Due to past events of a similar kind, multiple personalities, conspiracy theories, issues with her cortical node, I just want to be on the safe side here. 

Also, I want you to compare the results of her latest weekly check-ups with each other and before you come at me with Doctor-patient-confidentiality, this might be a life-or-death situation and I am the closest thing to family Seven had on this ship. I believe I deserve to know that kind of information in this special case. 

Lastly, Neelix. I want you to keep your ears open and try to find out if anyone noticed anything, be it in relation to Seven and her behavior, or Chakotay. Don't be too obvious, however. Also, I want you to assess the general situation on the ship in terms of crew morale in regards to the recent events.”

I sigh heavily once that dreadful staff meeting is over. B'Elanna who agreed to accompany me right to Seven and my quarters, I refuse to refer to them as only my quarters now, despite that remark B'Elanna's boyfriend made earlier, speaks up once we stand in the living area. 

“By the way, Captain. I was wondering. Shall I also analyze Seven's latest regeneration cycles before she disappeared? The Doctor usually keeps track of those and should've stored them in his files. We could scan them together to see if there were any abnormalities.”

I hadn't even considered that option before! B'Elanna never ceases to surprise me. 

I pat my Chief Engineer's shoulder, telling her. “That's a brilliant idea, B'Elanna. Permission granted. Let's see if we can't solve this mystery after all. 

Thank you for your help and support, B'Elanna. It's good to know there's still someone on this ship who I can trust intimately, a friend, and not only a co-worker.”

She frowns at this. “Kathryn, if you're referring to what flyboy said earlier. Forgive him, please. He's an idiot who often doesn't know when to shut his mouth, but he only means well. 

His worry for you is genuine, to him you're like an older sister. He didn't mean what he said there earlier. It came over the wrong way...”

I sigh, massaging my glabella, another headache penetrating my skull. “I know, B'Elanna, but his words still hurt and left an impact. The mere thought that Seven is... I can't lose her. I simply can't. 

Tom might care for my well-being, but what about Seven? Who cares for her, apart from myself? She's somewhere out there, alone, probably scared for her life, most likely, not for the first time feeling abandoned by us, by me...”

She shakes her head, voice laced with genuine concern. “I know that, Kathryn. What the two of you have is very special. You're dependant on each other, like one soul divided into two bodies. 

No offense, but if you think that you're the only one worrying and caring for Seven, however, you couldn't be more wrong. Tom and I do, so do Harry, Neelix, not even to mention Tuvok and the Doctor who were like father figures to her and don't forget Naomi and Sam, and of course the Borg children. 

Even Tal Celes came over to Main Engineering earlier, asking me if there was anything she could do to help, despite already working double shifts these days in Astrometrics due to Seven's absence. 

Heck, even the Delaney sisters were asking for her and displayed concern, and trust me, that's a very rare thing for those two. You're not alone, I believe that's what my fool of a boyfriend was trying to tell you earlier as well in his rather clumsy, in your face kind of way. 

We want Seven to be safe and sound and come back home as much as you do, Kathryn and we want to help you. Judging by those shadows under your eyes and the way you've been massaging that little piece of skin between your eyebrows, as well as the bridge of your nose all day, it's plain to see that your body's in dire states, which is very understandable given the situation. 

When did you last get a good night's sleep, Kathryn?” 

I sigh and mumble. “Not ever since she left and even then only when she slept beside me and didn't regenerate in her alcove...” 

B'Elanna's frown has deepened at this, the ridges on her forehead looking even deeper than usual, making her appear like a full-blown Klingon warrior. “Kahless, Kathryn! It's no surprise your condition is this severe then. 

I'll get to run the diagnostic on Seven's alcove and once that's through I want you to rest. I may not be a doctor, but as your friend, I'm highly concerned for your health and as your Chief Engineer, I'm highly concerned for the welfare of this ship with her captain being hardly able to keep her eyes open anymore...” 

I'm about to bite back a remark, but the genuine concern in her eyes makes the words die in my throat, my resolve slowly but surely faltering. 

Once the tears I've been holding in ever since she disappeared start rolling down, it feels like a dam has broken and I find myself in a surprisingly strong pair of arms, the words spilling out of me. “Only this morning, I drank coffee in my ready room which smelled and tasted just like the home ground one she used to make for me... 

It... it felt like I was losing my mind and when I went to Cargo Bay 2 her presence was so strong there. Almost as if... as if she was there with me... 

Am I going insane, B'Elanna? Is it foolish to think she's still somewhere out there, alive? What if we'll never find her?” 

“We will find her, Kathryn. If it's the last thing I do, I'll do everything in my might to help bring her back to you, back to us.” 

Hearing the determination in her voice gives me new hope and strength for which I'll eternally be grateful. It's moments like these where I'm most grateful to have this makeshift family, this formidable crew of mine on which I can always depend when it comes down to it. 

“I'll go check out the replicator in your ready room once I'm finished with the diagnostic of the alcove. This is just a hunch, this time from my side, but I find it peculiar, suspicious even that you stated your replicated coffee from there tasted and even smelled like Seven's home blend. 

It might be nothing, but in a situation like this one, it's better to be safe than sorry. I'm also gonna check out the replicator in here if you don't mind. Until then I want you to refrain from ordering anything, especially coffee from there, just to be on the safe side.” 

I sigh and nod slowly, mumbling. “I'd hoped to be able to get a cup of coffee to be honest. Those raging migraines are unbearable. I can hardly hear my own thoughts over the intensity of them anymore.”

B'Elanna, to my surprise, taps her comm badge and calls out. “Torres to Neelix. Could you please bring a can of coffee over to the captain's quarters? The Captain is craving 'the real deal'.” 

Neelix answers within mere seconds. “One can of coffee coming right up, Lieutenant! Wait just a moment, Captain.” 

I smile softly at my trusty Chief Engineer and friend, telling her sincerely. “Thank you, B'Elanna. What would I do without you all?” 

She smirks. “You would've probably joined the dark side by now, bounty hunting as a badass rebel, killing people just for the heck of it.” 

I chuckle at her remark, stating. “Thank God, in this universe I've got your back. Heavens forbid I'd one day decide to chop off my hair and turn into the second warship Janeway.” 

The mere imagination of me wearing a buzz cut sends shivers down my spine. I way prefer my bob haircut and I'm sure Seven would agree with me on this. 

Please hang in there, my darling. We'll find you, with combined efforts and joined forces we will. I'll never ever give up on you, abandon you. I hope you know that...


	5. Step by step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kathryn and her crew are slowly getting closer to the bottom of the mystery of Seven's sudden disappearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovelies. Welcome back to this story. It's been a while. I apologize for the delay, but I promise more consistent updates in the future. I hope you'll enjoy reading this chapter. If you do, please be so kind to let me know. :)

**1500 hours captain's quarters**

I lean back in my reading chair, sighing out. B'Elanna is still busy analyzing Seven's alcove and I'm feeling pretty useless. While I'm sitting here, Seven could be suffering, in pain.

Suddenly an idea strikes me. As Chief Astrometrics Officer, member of the senior staff she should technically have personal logs stored somewhere. Seeing as how we've lived here together for quite some time now, I doubt I'll be able to find them in Cargo Bay 2.

Since we live together it seems unlikely for her to have stored them here somewhere, but taking the fact that Icheb is working alongside her in Astrometrics into consideration, I can hardly believe she stored them there as well. Then again, why would Icheb read her personal logs?

Astrometrics it is then. I quickly call out over my should to B'Elanna who's still busy with the alcove in the bedroom. “B'Elanna, I'll be in Astrometrics for the time being. Hail me if you should finish the diagnostic before I'll come back.”

From my bedroom, I hear a faint. “Understood, Kathryn. I still need some time here. This proves to be more of a hassle than I thought.”

I can't help but chuckle at her words. Oh my.

I grab a padd, hoping I'll be able to download Seven's personal logs onto it. The padd coincidentally happens to be the one with her message still saved on it.

Oh, Seven. Where are you? Why would you leave me such a message? It makes no sense. Well, I'll get to the bottom of this. We all will, Seven's family and friends.

When I enter the Astrometrics lab I am not surprised to be greeted by Icheb.

He immediately turns around with a smile that doesn't reach his eyes on his face. “Captain. I wasn't expecting you to come here. Is there any news on Seven?”

I sigh softly, shaking my head. “Not yet, I'm afraid. The senior staff is actively working on finding her and bringing her back home, however. Why are you still in here, Icheb? Your duty shift is over. No?”

He rubs his neck, telling me sheepishly. “I wanted to help as well, so I decided to try and retrace Seven's last duty shifts here in her lab. Maybe we can find out what happened and where she went if we know what she last worked on here.”

That's actually a brilliant idea! I smile widely, patting his arm gently. “That's a brilliant idea, Icheb! I appreciate your help. Please make sure not to neglect your regeneration, however. Seven wouldn't want you to risk your health.”

He nods dutifully. “Understood, Captain. What did you want in here actually?”

Yes, what did you want, Katie? That ever nagging voice in the back of my mind asks mockingly.

I tell him truthfully. “I wanted to download Seven's personal logs. Maybe there's some hint as to why she would leave in such a rush and where she might have gone. Answers considering her recent change of behavior would already be good.”

He nods and points over towards a console. “I believe she records her personal logs over there. It's just a 'hunch', but I have once entered here and...

She reacted rather irrationally when she saw me entering, ushering me out, claiming she had personal matters to attend and asking me to return later.”

I chuckle softly. “Oh my. Never disturb a girl while she's writing in her diary.”

He looks at me quizzically, obviously unable to follow my words. “Captain?”

I wave my hand dismissively. “It's nothing really, Icheb. Thank you for the tip. I will try to download her logs now. Knowing Seven that might prove to be quite the task, Borg encryption codes everywhere.”

He smiles softly. “Call me if you require my assistance, Captain. Borg encryption is somewhat a specialty of mine.”

I grin. “So I've heard. I believe I owe my life to you. Without your help, they wouldn't have been able to open those cargo bay doors.”

He flushes, stating in an unusually shy voice. “It's nothing, Captain. I do what I can to help.”

I tell him sincerely. “There's no need to be so humble about it, Icheb. You're a fine addition to this crew. I'm not surprised Seven is very proud of you, so am I.”

His eyes turn wide. “Y-you are proud of me, Captain?”

I smile softly. “Of course I am, Icheb and you can be proud of yourself as well. I believe Seven has taught you about Borg encryption codes?”

He nods. “You are correct. She said I possessed a natural talent in the field.”

I grin. “That's high praise coming from her.”

He smiles softly. “I'm aware and I was proud when she told me that.”

I turn over to the console, connecting my padd checking the terminal.

“I miss her, Captain...” I feel my heart ache at the young man's words that carry a profound sadness I had never expected to hear from an ex-member of the Collective.

I turn away from the console, walking back over to him, taking him into a warm embrace. “I miss her too, Icheb, not a moment goes by where I don't and that's fine. It's normal to feel sad when people we care for disappear.

We will find her. No matter the effort it might take, we won't leave this sector of space until we've found her and she's home again with us. Feel free to come to me anytime if you should feel the need to talk, alright? You don't have to be alone with those feelings.”

He nods slowly. “Yes, Captain. Thank you for the offer and your effort. I know you would not leave without her. Shall I assist you with those personal logs?”

I nod gratefully. “That sounds like a plan. I'm sure you'll be able to retrieve them much faster than me.”

We walk back to the console at this and within a manner of seconds, he announces. “The download is complete.”

Never underestimate Borg efficiency. My heart aches at the memory of our first date where I had the same thoughts.

At this moment I make a plan. Once Seven will be back we're gonna have a date together and despite her usual claims of not being a fan of social gatherings, I will make sure to get Neelix to throw her a welcome back party the likes of which this ship has never seen before with cake and punch, all her favorite foods, fun activities and of course lots of dancing.

Once I'm back in my quarters I first of all call out to B'Elanna. “I'm back! Any updates on the alcove?”

She walks out of the bedroom, covered in sweat and engine grime. Didn't think that alcove would produce such dirt.

“Captain, good thing that you're back. I've just finished running the diagnostic, finally. I think it's safe to say that thing was severely malfunctioning and was long overdue for maintenance.

It's surprising the thing was still running at all and Seven was able to complete a regeneration cycle with it being in such a dire state. Did she ever complain about any issues regarding the alcove or her regeneration?”

My heart sinks at her words, my eyes turning wide, exclaiming in disbelief. “No, she didn't say a word about it malfunctioning and she never once complained about any issues regenerating in general. This is highly concerning!

One thing I had personally noticed for a while now was her change in behavior. She'd been far more nervous, anxious, and easily overwhelmed.

When usually she was calm and collected, level-headed and very rational, these days she often acted anything but that and on top of that she cried a lot, often with no reason, something I would've never expected from her out of all people.

Her own emotional outbursts seemed to often frustrate her, upset and worry her, but she was unable to find any explanation for them and no solution either.

At first, I thought this might have to do with the fact that we are lovers now. After all this is her first experience with romance, love and everything it includes. All those new emotions, sensations can be quite overwhelming.

However, in her case it was extreme. She needed lots of reassurance, approval, attention and still, it never seemed enough in the end...”

B'Elanna frowns, nodding slowly. “That indeed sounds very concerning. I'm not sure if the alcove could be responsible for her change of behavior, but I don't want to exclude it from the list of possibilities.

I'll get to run a diagnostic on your replicator next if that's agreeable with you, Kathryn.”

I nod slowly. “Go ahead, B'Elanna, and thank you once again. I truly appreciate your efforts.”

She smiles softly. “It's my pleasure, Kathryn. Now get to reading those logs.”

I blink at her words, feeling caught. “H-how did you know?”

She winks. “It's one of the first things I'd be doing if Tom would vanish, checking his personal logs to see if I can find any clues in there.”

That makes me feel a little less like a terrible girlfriend. I'd been convinced to be unnecessarily intruding her privacy by doing that.

Now let's see. I grab the padd and start reading her personal logs. A turmoil of emotions hits me while reading her first entries which sound far less angry and far more lonely than I'd anticipated. The closer I get to the latest entries, the more her logs sound like the woman I love and I have lost. So much so, that I find it hard to continue on reading. Oh, how I miss her!

“That's strange...”

I snap out of my daze, turning my gaze over towards my replicator and my Chief Engineer. “What's strange, B'Elanna?”

My eyes turn wide when she states. “There's been an override in the replicator's programming recently.”

I frown and ask her. “Can you find out who authorized it and when exactly?”

To my dismay, she tells me. “I'm afraid I'm unable to tell you who did it, however, it happened almost precisely 2 days ago.”

Intrigued, I get up from the couch and walk over to join the brunette. “Can you tell me what exactly has been changed, B'Elanna?”

She frowns in concentration, working her magic for a while before stating. “Your usual coffee, black seems to have been altered. The order is still the same, however, both the aroma and temperature have been varied.

Furthermore, Terra nut soufflé has been added to the list of dishes as dessert, homemade it says here.

Then there's... banana pancakes? Kathryn, care to explain that to me?”

I rub my neck sheepishly. “What can I say? Those pancakes of yours are really good. Anyway... Those are all things that Seven has made for me before. My favorite dessert, her homebrewed coffee, my favorite breakfast.

2 days ago, you said.”

She nods in confirmation.

I smile sadly. “So, it looks like my mind didn't play tricks on me when I drank coffee and it tasted like Seven's home blend. She vanished two days ago. Can it be...”

I swallow against the knot that has formed in my throat. “C-can it be that this was her... farewell gift to me?”

I feel a familiar set of strong arms wrap around me, the tears rolling down my cheeks. When did I get so weak? When you allowed yourself to fall in love with her, silly.

“Kathryn, why would she be doing that? This makes no sense. Leaving these kinds of gifts for you to me seems like a clear sign that she hopes to be able to come back eventually, a temporal solution, not permanent.

It could also be a sign, like a message she left for us to decipher, although, I must admit that at this point I have no clue what that message might mean."

A message. Is Seven trying to communicate with us, with me? This is the first time ever I have heard of someone trying to communicate, send messages through a replicator. I guess there's a first for everything.

Also, my Seven isn't just anyone. She's a unique young woman with a brilliant mind and a history with the Borg, a technologically advanced race.

Wait, that's it! I feel like I'm onto something. Seven, I'll find you. Soon we'll be reunited. I can sense it!


	6. Closer to the truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New, unexpected revelations bring Kathryn closer to the truth and as she hopes closer to Seven. Time seems to be running out on them, however, if their latest discoveries are any indication.

**2000 hours holodeck**

I sigh out, the familiar environment of the maestro's studio which usually has a calming effect on me, only further depresses me in my current state. Without her around here, it's simply not the same.

I had to delete the maestro himself earlier since his rants which typically were a welcome distraction to me were downright annoying and irritating today.

Not able to stand the memory the sight of the holographic fireplace evokes inside me of us sitting there together so long ago, I fix my eyes back on the padd I brought along from my quarters, determined to continue reading and analyzing Seven's personal logs.

_Chief Astrometrics Officer's personal log: Stardate 54014.4_

_Ever since we have gotten back on board the ship from our shore leave, the conversations I have had with counselor Troi keep on replaying in my mind. I do not know what I had expected from those therapy sessions with her, but my state has not improved._

_It is bearable during the day, where I can distract myself with work during my duty shifts. I often find myself going to the gym as well these days, something I have hardly ever done before. The physical exertion usually helps to tire me out enough to allow me to at least get some rest during the night and thanks to the exhaustion, my sleep is mostly undisturbed by nightmares._

_These days, I find it increasingly harder to spend time with Kathryn. I do not wish to burden her even further, knowing she is already carrying her own heavy package of that guilt and trauma on those delicate shoulders, not to forget the burden of command._

_It is painful having to distance myself from her, but it appears that doing so is the only option I have at this point in time. It all would not be half as difficult would I not be plagued by those mood swings._

_Had I been aware that emotions are a matter as complicated as that, I would have never wished to explore them further and regain my humanity, my individuality. Be careful what you wish for._

_I could very well live without ever having to be exposed to those most painful, negative emotions. Crying certainly is not something I enjoy doing either, but these days, I find myself doing so far more often than can be considered normal, or healthy._

_It is easy to start, but how does one stop? Is there a possibility that my tears will cease to flow at some point due to my human systems being unable to keep up with the unnaturally high demand of saline water produced from my tear ducts?_

_Why am I having such most illogical, irrelevant thought processes?_

I gasp, my body shaking, without my noticing I have started to cry. Gods, my poor darling! She sounds so confused, irritated, lonely, and hurt. If only I had noticed she was struggling this much before it was too late.

This was her second to last log entry. She did talk about her conversations with Deanna Troi in this log, stated that those therapy sessions that they had affected her more than she could've ever anticipated.

Disregarding the last log entry, for now, I decide to contact the Betazoid. Maybe Deanna can shed some light on this situation. I can't believe I didn't consider this possibility myself before. As Seven's counselor she should be aware of my darling's state, her fears, hopes, emotional turmoil, problems and the likes.

I am about to leave and head to Astrometrics to try and contact the brunette, when the chirp of my comm badge alerts me, followed by Tuvok's voice. “Commander Tuvok to the Captain.”

I tap my comm badge after clearing my throat, hoping my voice won't give way to my bawling my eyes out just now. “Janeway here. What can I do for you, Commander?”

My eyes turn wide when he answers me. “There have been no security breaches within the last 48 hours. However, Lieutenant Paris has made a discovery while checking the shuttle bay alongside Ensign Kim.

Captain, I believe you should come over there and let the Lieutenant tell you himself.”

Did she abandon ship on a shuttle after all?

I quickly tap my comm badge, already on my way to the turbolift, telling him firmly. “Tell the Lieutenant that I'm on my way. Janeway out.”

Please let this not be as bad as I fear it is. Gods, Seven. Did you leave because you were unable to deal with those conflicting emotions anymore? Or was it because you were afraid to burden me with your problems?

I only hope it wasn't because of what Chakotay did to her in her lab that morning. If that should be the case then I'll show no mercy to that man anymore. No one harms my darling and goes unpunished, deluded, or not!

When I enter the shuttle bay, I'm greeted by Tuvok alongside Tom and Harry.

Tom approaches me right away, eyes downcast. “Captain, I'm truly sorry for what I said to you earlier at the briefing. I didn't mean what I said there and I by no means meant to undermine or question your authority, your position.

I'm genuinely worried for your health and your well-being and I wanted to tell you that, but it came over the wrong way...”

I smile softly at him, patting his arm. “It's fine, Tom. I know you didn't mean it and I'm holding no grudges. Your girlfriend already apologized for your behavior earlier and I've long forgiven you. I know you only meant well and I appreciate the sentiment.

It's a difficult situation, but thanks to the help of this fine crew of mine, I'm confident we'll be able to find a solution and bring Seven back home to her Voyager collective. Now, Tuvok told me you've found something here in the shuttle bay.”

He nods and tells me. “Follow me, Captain. You won't believe this until you see it with your own eyes.”

This is getting more and more absurd. Is he making a show for a reason or am I misreading the signs? I mean, I'm aware that my pilot has a tendency for dramatic effects, but this doesn't seem like the time or place for that kind of thing.

My eyes turn wide once he opens the Delta Flyer, telling me. “As you might be aware, an escape pod was stored in here for emergency situations. Said escape pod has vanished and we have no explanation other than Seven having used it to well... escape from the ship undetected.

I'd say coming up with that kind of ingenious plan is right up her alley. Don't you agree, Captain?”

This is... I nod slowly, having a hard time processing what he just told me. She took the emergency escape pod of the Flyer for her mission?

After a moment of gathering my bearings, I speak up. “Crewman Mortimer Harren used the escape pod back then when I went on my mission with him, Ensign Celes, and William Telfer. Tom, this is brilliant! I can't believe you discovered this.

I'm curious as to what made you think to check if the escape pod of the Delta Flyer was missing. This is definitely not the first thing that would've come to my mind when checking the shuttle bay.”

He rubs his neck sheepishly. “Well, I was kinda following a hunch there, Captain. When it turned out that none of the shuttles were missing, including the Flyer, something told me that maybe Seven had taken equipment of the Flyer with her on her journey.

Turns out she hadn't searched for equipment in there, but her means of transportation.”

I shake my head in disbelief. “This truly is a unique story. Even I wouldn't have considered checking the escape pods, much less the one from the Flyer. It is certainly something Seven would do, however. She clearly wanted to avoid detection.”

My mood darkens as another thought occurs to me. Just how long will she be able to survive in the escape pod?

I exclaim firmly. “Great work, gentlemen. I'll go to sickbay and have a chat with the Doctor. Let's see how far he's come with his analysis.”

As I leave the shuttle bay I can't help but wonder about Seven's latest log entry and whether or not Deanna Troi might have any clue about Seven's whereabouts. Something tells me that could be the case.

I decide against going to sickbay and head back to Astrometrics, following my initial plans to try and contact my new friend and counselor Deanna Troi.

Once the commlink has stabilized and the pleasant features of the Betazoid flicker to life on the viewscreen I inwardly sigh out in relief.

Despite the screen between us and tens of thousands of lightyears between us, Deanna states, concern audible in her gentle voice. “You are troubled, Kathryn. What happened? Is this about Seven?”

Never underestimate empaths.

I remark dryly. “I wasn't aware you were not only an empath but a telepath as well, Deanna. Jokes aside, yes, this is about Seven. I know that as her counselor, your talks to her are technically falling under doctor-patient-confidentiality.

However, we're having an emergent situation here. Seven has vanished a little over two days ago following a confrontation with my former first officer, Chakotay in her lab.

She refused to tell me what he had done or said to her, but judging by her highly erratic behavior and unusual wish to regenerate in the middle of the day, following her practically fleeing sickbay in which he'd been lying unconscious on a biobed, sedated and protected by a level ten forcefield it must've been highly traumatic and I'm worried sick for her.

It just turned out that she most likely used an escape pod to leave the ship undetected and before she left she'd written a farewell message of sorts which I found on a padd that was placed on the coffee table in our quarters.

Another peculiar thing is that someone has altered the replicators both in my quarters and ready room, adding my favorites she'd usually been making for me to the list of foods and beverages.

B'Elanna also found out that her regeneration alcove was malfunctioning which could maybe be an explanation for her drastic change in behavior. I've downloaded and read her personal logs, all safe for the last one, and stumbled upon your name in the second to last one.

She mentioned that your therapy sessions with each other on that planet had been very intense and overwhelming to her, that she found it hard to cope and kept on being reminded of those conversations you'd had, something which seemed to bother her greatly.

Deanna, please. If you have any idea as to where Seven could be, or why she might have chosen to abandon ship tell me. Those last two days have been hell. I can't be without her and frankly, I'm afraid she might've planned something reckless. Like going on a...”

I choke before coaxing out. “Suicide mission...”

My vision turns blurry, tears running down my cheeks, my eyes stinging, heart aching.

For a moment I feel horrible for exposing my friend to my raw emotions like that, but she to my surprise tells me, voice steady and calm, effectively grounding me. “Kathryn, I must apologize. As Seven's counselor, I should've known better than to keep her state from you, her lover, and her captain.

However, she'd assured me she'd talk to you about it when the time is right and she felt ready for it, so I let her be, knowing better than to rush things.

What happened there with your former first officer sounds highly concerning. There is no doubt in my mind that whatever has transpired that day in her lab must've triggered Seven in some form or way.

The only logical explanation I can think of for her wanting to leave you and the ship is that she wanted to get to the bottom of this. The fact that she has left you a message and reprogrammed your replicators are clear signs that she hasn't planned to stay away for long, the same going for her chosen means of transportation, an escape pod.

The fact that her alcove is malfunctioning sounds quite concerning, but being no expert in terms of Borg physiology, I can't say for sure if that could've been the reason for her drastic change in behavior.

My best guess on her whereabouts is that she went back to where it all began.”

Back to where it all began? Of course, that's it!

I exclaim. “That planet we spent our shore leave on!”

She nods in confirmation. “Yes, exactly.”

I smile gratefully at her. “Thank you, Deanna. Also, sorry for losing my resolve earlier. It's all been a little too much lately. I hardly slept ever since she disappeared. Guess our new course is back to that planet.

My crew's most likely not gonna be too happy about the setback, but if chances are that Seven's there we gotta follow those leads. I hope they can forgive the small delay.”

She tells me reassuringly. “I'm sure they'll understand, Kathryn. Your crew should be aware that a ship can't function properly with her captain in such dire states.

Please go to your sickbay and let the Doctor prescribe you a sedative. You have to sleep, Kathryn. I'm sure Seven would agree with me on that.”

I sigh softly and nod. “You're right, Deanna. I've been meaning to pay the Doctor a visit anyway to ask him about his progress in analyzing Seven's nanoprobes and regeneration cycles.

Also, I want to ask how Chakotay's holding up in stasis. Thank you again for your advice and for being a great friend. I truly appreciate your help.”

She smiles softly. “Anytime, Kathryn. Now, go. It's already late. Good night and good luck finding Seven.”

I wave at the screen. “Good night, Deanna. Thank you.”

Let's hope Deanna's hunch was right and Seven will be on that planet, healthy and well...


	7. Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kathryn is preparing to rescue Seven from the class-M planet, despite the young woman herself warning her of doing so in her latest log entry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to this story, my lovely readers! It has been a while, hasn't it? I hope you're all going to enjoy this chapter. If you do, please be so kind to let me know. I always appreciate your feedback. :)

**0200 captain's quarters**

I wake up drenched in sweat after a nightmare. The images of a damaged Seven lying on that planet's surface, eyes cold and lifeless send shivers down my spine.

No, this can't be! We can't be too late. Hopefully, she's actually on that planet as Deanna suggested.

I wouldn't hear the end of it if I forced my crew to go back there, only to then come back empty-handed.

At least Chakotay is out of the picture this time around. He was usually the main problem, always criticizing my rescue missions for Seven in the past, claiming that it was reckless and foolish to endanger my own life for one individual, calling it favoritism from my side.

I shake my head, lonely tears without my notice have started rolling down my face again. Oh, Seven. Please be safe! Why did you decide to go on this mission on your own?

Deeming it pointless to try getting back to sleep in my current state, I leave my bed and walk over to the living area, retrieving the padd with that farewell message still saved on, as well as her personal logs.

Despite my strong urge to finally read that last log entry of hers, I decide to belay that for the time being, opening that farewell message first.

_Kathryn, if you read this I have already left. Do not look for me. I enjoyed our time together, but I had to depart. It was necessary. I wish we could have spent more time with each other and things could have gone differently._

_Please take care of yourself while I am not around._

_In eternal admiration, Seven_

I read and re-read the relatively short message various times until I am able to recite it by heart. The words start blurring before my eyes which sting with a new row of tears. I can't help but feel like that message sounds odd, atypical for her.

At the same time, reading and re-reading it to the point of having memorized it by heart, I'm more and more convinced that Deanna's earlier statement was correct and so was B'Elanna's.

Based on the content of this message and the formulation, everything seems to indicate that Seven had merely planned to go on a short mission and hoped to be able to rejoin her Voyager Collective again at one point in the future.

After all, she stated. “Please take care of yourself while I am not around”

This sentence to me very much sounds like she had intended to come back and be reunited with me again, if everything would go according to plan and her mission, whatever that might have been would've been successful.

This also explains why she made those alterations to the replicators both in our quarters and my ready room.

Also, had she planned to leave Voyager and me for good, I highly doubt she would have gone out of her way and left me a farewell message like that.

Knowing Seven and how she treated these kinds of matters in the past, this type of behavior seems like she had planned her departure in advance, just like this mission and made the necessary preparations beforehand when in the past, she acted highly irrational and simply took the next-best shuttle to abandon ship or rendezvous with the next Borg vessel.

Still, I would've much preferred her to talk to me about this. Her behavior these past few weeks has been way off.

As much as I enjoyed seeing her finally able to express her emotions and let herself go around me, the abundance of her emotions was overwhelming for me as her lover and captain.

I can barely start to imagine how difficult it must have been for her, being fairly new to the concept of emotions and humanity, being an individual.

My poor darling. She must've been so scared, ashamed, frustrated and lonely.

It hurts that she seemingly thought she couldn't share her emotions and struggles with me, yet in a way, I can relate to it.

Being a rather private person myself and typically hiding behind my captain's mask of indifference and stoicism, to shield myself and others from the turmoil of conflicting emotion going on inside me, I can only imagine how tough it must've been for her taking her past with the Collective into consideration.

Years of living as a mindless, unfeeling drone always striving for perfection, one of many, the voices of the hive mind always present, providing a strange sense of comfort when now as an individual that silence in her head must have been deafening.

A groan leaves my lips at a sharp pain piercing through my skull.

Those headaches are slowly getting the best of me. How am I supposed to focus, think coherently in this state?

That combined with my insomnia and the lack of comfort provided by my lover makes for a futile combination.

I sigh and slowly walk over to my replicator, ordering a cup of her delightful home ground coffee in hopes of it being able to alleviate those headaches and calm me down.

After the first sip of the truly delightful drink, I grab the padd once more, deciding to finally check out that last log entry of hers.

Maybe it's gonna provide me with some more answers, ideally even whether or not she had indeed planned to go back to that class-M planet, or not.

Despite a tiny voice in the back of my head telling me that this is probably a bad idea, in comparison to her last log entries which I'd simply read from the padd myself, I walk over to my bedroom, closing the door behind me, so as not to unnecessarily alert anyone before instructing the computer to play the original voice recording of the entry.

_Chief Astrometrics Officer's personal log: Stardate 54018.2_

_I have found it increasingly hard to regenerate these days. I am aware that it is illogical, but my alcove appears much like a threat to me these days. Yet, I find myself unable to sleep either, despite Kathryn lying right there next to me, or is it because of that?_

_I had never deemed it possible to ever hear myself say such a thing, but the past few nights I have 'cried myself to sleep' and whenever I had finally fallen asleep, I was usually plagued by nightmares._

_The sole comfort is the knowledge that Kathryn is sleeping peacefully next to me. She deserves to rest now that ship's business has resumed again._

_In my worst moments, I find myself longing for our time during shore leave on that planet. Those happy, mostly carefree days were easily the best of my life so far._

_It was easy to forget that Kathryn is the captain of a starship with lots of responsibilities, that guilt of hers, the burden of command ever-present with me merely being one out of 141 members of her crew._

_I know that it is selfish of me to wish to be able to lead an ordinary life alongside her, settle down, found a family, but I can't help doing so these days more than ever before._

_How I wish I could at least help relieve her of some of that guilt and the burden of command, but being damaged, defected as I clearly am these days doing so is impossible. I can hardly perform my own duties anymore._

_My plan is set. Everything seems to point towards this planet in some form or way being responsible for the state I am in._

_Despite having thoroughly inspected the atmosphere before deciding to go on shore leave there and excluding any form of potential danger to the ship and different species of Voyager's crew beforehand, the fact that Kathryn had fallen sick and had to stay in sickbay while I had been busy planning for our shore leave, might have negatively affected my research and led to it not being executed as thorough as necessary in such instances._

_I seem to have been lacking efficiency even at that time already, my focus was distracted by those new, strong emotions for Kathryn, and then she fell ill._

_If I am going to be terminated during my mission then at least I have 'died trying' to save my Voyager Collective and my Kathryn. I hope she is going to enjoy my parting gift to her and that she will not act reckless and try to look for me._

_I do not wish for her journey back to her beloved Earth to be delayed because of a damaged drone like myself._

_I love her more than anything and I guess it is right what they say. Sometimes you have to leave what you love most. So, I am very willing to sacrifice my life if chances are that it can save hers and that of the whole of Voyager._

_I am convinced that she would have done the same if the roles would have been reversed. She had been willing to sacrifice her own life for me more times than I can count in the past as well, going on suicide missions, delaying her journey to rescue me, be it from the Borg Queen, hostile aliens from this quadrant, or me._

_I only hope she does not act irrationally again and recklessly risk her life, unnecessarily delay her journey to search for me. She needs to let go, focus on what truly matters, getting back 'home'._

_It is best for her crew and herself. I only hope the Doctor is going to be able to find a cure for those headaches of hers. They seem to have gotten considerably worse ever since she had been in sickbay before our shore leave._

_I can not bear to imagine how her potentially going back to that planet could affect her health. It could even be life-threatening._

_I can hardly imagine the two of us being the sole members of this crew being affected by whatever it was that we were exposed to._

_Knowing the Commander and how he is prone to violence and insanity, having inherited this genetic mutation from his grandfather, chances are very high that he is affected in some form or way as well._

_The mere thought of him causing harm to my Kathryn makes my eyes sting with a fresh row of 'tears'._

_End personal log_

Somewhere during listening to her log, I have started to cry myself and crouched into a fetal position on the bed. Oh, my poor darling Seven.

Listening her talk about her situation and that emotional turmoil leading up to her deciding to abandon ship broke my heart all over again. The way her voice cracked shortly before ending her log, the suppressed tears so clearly audible in her voice were the last straw.

Despite everything she has said regarding me going back to that planet and the risk it in her opinion could potentially pose to me, there is no way I'm not going to at least try and save her, bring her back on board with me. I'm not going to leave my darling alone in this Godforsaken quadrant while continuing on my journey back to Earth like nothing ever happened.

She might not understand my reasoning, call my actions, my decision reckless, irrational, suicidal even, but if I die there along with her then so be it.

I can't live without her anyway and just like her, I want to someday settle down, found a family with her somewhere.

If we'll never make it back to Earth, or the Alpha Quadrant, we might as well search for a nice class-M planet here in the Delta Quadrant instead. I had in all honesty already considered that option before.

**0900 hours captain's ready room**

I sigh out, taking a sip from my first cup of coffee of the morning. I'm about to busy myself with the departmental reports, one of my most dreaded tasks when the chirp of my comm badge interrupts me. Saved by the bell.

I mentally thank whoever is on the other end of the line. “Commander Tuvok to the captain. We are approaching the planet, Captain.”

Finally some good news! That could also be an explanation for my raging migraines.

I tap my comm badge and call out, command voice in check. “I'll be joining you on the bridge shortly, Commander.”

After quickly downing the remnant of my coffee, an action I instantly regret as the beverage is still hotter than I'd anticipated, burning my throat, I leave my ready room and step out onto the bridge.

What a day. Let's just hope at the end of the day this is all gonna be worth it. The mere aspect of being able to see my darling again makes it all worth it.

Once I sit back in my captain's chair I tell my pilot. “Steady as she goes, Lieutenant.”

He asks carefully. “Captain, are you sure you want to go down there on your own?”

Of course, he would be persistent. I expected nothing less from Tom. I gently pat his shoulder, answering firmly. “My answer hasn't changed to the last twenty five times you've asked, Tom. It's safest this way.

If Seven was right with her assumptions that going back on that planet is potentially dangerous, there's no way I'm going to unnecessarily endanger any of my crew by forcing them to accompany me back there.

If you won't be hearing from me within the next 48 hours, I expect you to take your leave and continue on your journey back to Earth on your own with Tuvok in command.

Now, don't make that face, Tom. Sometimes in life, we gotta make sacrifices.

I know that if the roles would be reversed and it was B'Elanna who had abandoned the ship and potentially went down on that planet you would've done everything in your might to rescue her too without endangering any of your fellow crewmembers.”

We exchange a brief hug, never minding us being on bridge duty and me being the captain. Tuvok has come to rest beside me, his expression glum, especially for his standards.

I'd be lying if I said I won't miss them if I'm truly never gonna see them again after this and that I don't feel guilty for once more going on a potential suicide mission.

Yet, the possibility of being reunited with Seven, or at the very least getting to see her one more time beats my rationality.

I would've never expected to one day say that my heart defeated my brain, but ever since I've first laid eyes on this extraordinary young woman on Unimatrix 01, I knew that it was my mission to protect and save her, come what may.

I never thought I was capable to love to the point of giving myself up before I met Seven of Nine...


	8. Survival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kathryn lands on the planet's surface and it soon becomes apparent that her mission might be more difficult than she'd anticipated...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back, my lovely readers. I hope you are going to enjoy this update. :)

**1000 hours planetside**

The moment I landed back on this planet my migraines have reached concerning levels. I'm having a hard time keeping my eyes open, let alone walk.

At this moment, I'm all the more glad I've decided to go back here by myself. The mere imagination of my crewmembers seeing me crawling in the sand, groaning in pain.

That's not the way I'd planned for this to go at all. I should've known better. After all, Seven had rightfully voiced her concerns regarding me coming back to this planet, but the stubborn fool I tend to be I didn't listen.

I begin to wonder if Seven really is here. It seems highly unlikely. Gods, if she's here chances are I won't find her alive...

Then again, she is Borg. Maybe, I'm not giving her enough credit. She's far stronger and can withstand far more than an ordinary human being.

The question is, when did she land on this planet? Maybe I'm lucky and she has landed not too long ago herself. Her means of transportation is rather slow after all.

Gods, this is so exhausting! The rather tropical climate of the planet doesn't exactly make things any easier either, if anything it slows me down even more.

I should really take off my uniform jacket. It was the worst decision to beam down here in my uniform.

Damn, why are my memories from the time spent on this planet so fuzzy? I'd forgotten all about the tropical climate.

That's better. I didn't expect that not wearing the jacket anymore would make such a big difference, but it's remarkable.

Hearing the waves crashing against the shore I suddenly remember the sea being right there. Fool, you could've freshened up all this time and you didn't do it!

I crawl over to the water but get stopped by a voice. “I wouldn't advise you to do that.”

I blink and turn around, only to be met by no one. Odd. Where did that voice come from just now?

Don't tell me I'm already starting to hallucinate? Hearing voices definitely is not a good sign. Am I losing it? Must be those damned migraines!

Ignoring that voice which obviously was merely a hallucination, a figment of my imagination anyway, I once more start approaching the ocean but the same voice speaks up. “I told you not to do that. The water as inviting it may seem is highly dangerous, life-threatening even. You need to stay away from there if your life means anything to you.”

I bite my lip, suddenly I feel so tired, exhausted. If that voice is right, going into that water could end all my misery, extinguish this pathetic existence of mine.

No, what are you thinking? You can't give up now! Not when Seven could very well still be alive, somewhere here on this planet, in need of your help.

As much as she stated that she was ready to lose her life and never see me again in that last personal log of hers, I simply can't and won't allow for her to sacrifice herself like that.

Especially not when there's still hope that we'll be able to solve this mystery regarding the drastic changes in our states and Chakotay's as well and reverse the effects. I'm convinced that with our combined forces we can do overcome this.

Why did Seven simply leave me behind so recklessly and go on this mission? I blink when I look down at the sand before me, drops visible on it.

Only then do I realize that I'm crying. Damn it! I can't cry now out of all times. I swear, it's the effects being on this planet again has on me.

I wipe at my eyes harshly before continuing on my way. As much as I'm craving rest, there's no way I'm gonna do that now. Not before I've found Seven.

The problem is, this planet's not exactly small and she could be anywhere. If only I wouldn't be plagued with those raging migraines and actually would be able to have a coherent thought for once I might be able to figure out where she could be.

Suddenly what seems to be a flashback strikes me and I know just where to look. It might turn out to be a dead-end, but something tells me my gut feeling is right about this one. The question is, where is that place?

I take out my tricorder and scan the area, my eyes widening in astonishment when my readings show the next freshwater source to be a few hundred meters away.

Looks like that voice, hallucination or not was correct telling me to stay the hell away from this sea as inviting as it may look. There's a high concentration of carbon dioxide. Going for a swim in this water surely would've been a fatal mistake.

I shake my head, shivers running down my spine at the thought. Looks like my instincts saved my life by telling me taking a swim, or even freshening up in this water would be a bad idea.

Then again, was it truly merely my instincts? That voice sounded so real. No, what are you thinking there? Gods, Katie. The longer you stay on this Godforsaken planet, the more you're losing it.

I need to make my way to that clearing as fast as possible. If only I wasn't forced to crawl my way there like an infant, things sure could be much easier.

Sigh, maybe it was stupid not to end it all earlier when I still had the chance to do so. Just why did I give a damn about some voice in my mind anyway?

Always an idiot...

**1200 hours clearing**

I think my vision must betray me when I see a figure crawling over like a seal. What is the meaning of this? Have I lost my mind?

I carefully approach the form, a cry escaping my lips when I notice the familiar uniform and auburn hair. No! What is she doing here? That fool! Why did she come back for me?

I sink down to the ground before her, neverminding the fresh row of tears running down my cheeks. Oh, Kathryn.

I carefully lift her up, carrying her over to my camp, wrapping her body in a thermo blanket. Good thing I thought of bringing that along. I did not think I would require it, but now in hindsight my 'gut feeling' was correct.

It was foolish to believe a certain starship captain would simply continue on her journey, leaving me behind here when she'd saved my life, come back for me so many times in the past.

Still, seeing her dire state her coming her was reckless, futile. My heart aches when I realize her vital functions are barely measurable anymore. No, I can not lose her now!

There must be something I can do to prevent this from happening, to keep her alive. I groan out in frustration when I can not think of anything. All of this for nothing.

My research so far has come up inconclusive which is no surprise, seeing as how I have no means to study the probes I have collected here on this planet's surface.

Deciding I have collected enough probes and desperate to save the woman I love more than anything, I quickly lift her up again, carefully carrying her over to the escape pod, placing her inside there.

After grabbing the few necessities I had brought along for this mission, I get in the pod myself, noticing right away that doing so is much easier said than done.

This pod was built for one user and with us being two individuals using it at the same time it is a 'tight fit', but I am determined to make it work somehow. I sigh once we are both inside, the shell of the pod closed securely around us. Now, where do we go?

I carefully reach for Kathryn's command jacket that she is still holding in an impressively firm grip, tapping the comm badge attached to it, calling out.

“Seven of Nine to Voyager. Voyager, do you hear me? Answer, please.”

I sigh, my eyes closing. It's been so long since I last regenerated. I can not even remember how long exactly, but it must have been days...

“Seven, can you hear me? Doctor, she's coming to!”

I blink my eyes open and have a strong urge to close them again right away when blinding white light is greeting me. What is the meaning of this?

Once my vision has adjusted to the brightness, five familiar faces are greeting me, looking on in concern. I am about to speak up but notice to my chagrin that my throat feels raw, all that is leaving me is a squeak.

Seeing how this very much appears to be sickbay and taking the fact that the Doctor, Tom Paris, B'Elanna Torres, Samantha, and Naomi Wildman are here into consideration, I am convinced that we must have somehow made it back on board Voyager.

A glass of water is thrust out in front of me and I nod thankfully at my young friend, taking a refreshing gulp of the cool liquid.

Once I am certain that my throat is well-lubricated, I speak up. “Am I correct thinking that we have made it back on board Voyager?”

The Doctor chirps. “You are right, Seven. We've received your hail and managed to beam you safely back on board two days ago.”

I blink in confusion, convinced my hearing must have betrayed me. Maybe a side-effect of my stay on that planet is experiencing auditory hallucinations.

I ask in confirmation. “Doctor, did you just say that we arrived back here two days ago?”

To my shock, he nods in confirmation. “I did, Seven. The captain and you both were in dire states when you arrived here. On top of that, you hadn't regenerated in almost a week.

You shouldn't be surprised that your body required rest, Seven. Now that you are awake again, you should head over to your quarters and start a full regeneration cycle, just to be on the safe side.

Lieutenant Torres has repaired your alcove, so everything should go accordingly.”

She has repaired my alcove?

I frown and state. “I was not aware my regeneration alcove required maintenance.”

B'Elanna chimes in at this. “It was severely malfunctioning, Seven. I'm surprised you hadn't reported anything yet and that you seemingly did not notice anything when you were regenerating either.”

What is she talking about? My alcove was malfunctioning? That is illogical.

“Lieutenant Torres, I do not know what you are talking about. Had my alcove been malfunctioning, I would have noticed so right away, much less if it would have as you stated severely malfunctioned.

I run a diagnostic after every single one of my regeneration cycles and there were no abnormalities. Otherwise, I would have reported so to you right away.”

I sigh before finally asking the question that has figuratively been on the tip of my tongue ever since I regained consciousness. “Where is Kathryn?”

The Doctor states casually. “She has reported back for duty. I had strongly advised against doing so, but you know the captain. She truly is a lost cause, my worst patient.”

I can not believe her! Merely two days ago she arrived here in sickbay in a dire state and now she is back on duty?

I grit my teeth, declaring. “If the captain is fit for duty then so am I. I am not going to regenerate if there is work I have to take care of. I have yet to analyze the probes I have collected planetside.”

The Doctor chirps. “I have already analyzed those probes, Seven. It is safe to say that whatever has caused the anomalies in the captain, yours and Commander Chakotay's behavior had nothing to do with the water, plants, or soil you had collected from the planet's surface.”

This can not be! It appears all my research was pointless. I am lacking efficiency. Unacceptable! I can not report for duty in this state. The captain is going to be very disappointed and if there is one thing I can not bear to see it is an upset Kathryn.

I sigh and state, forcing myself to sound as detached as possible, my Borg mask of indifference in check. “I am going to go regenerate now. Please inform the captain that I will report back for duty in 96 hours.”

While leaving sickbay I hear the Doctor call out. “A wise decision, Seven! I knew you'd eventually realize what was best for you.”

I roll my eyes and enter the turbolift, riding it up to Deck 3.

Upon entering the captain's quarters, a sense of what humans may refer to as 'melancholy' befalls me for reasons I can not fathom.

I had not expected to ever enter those quarters again when I left the ship what I assume must have been more than a week ago.

I enter the bedroom, about to head over to my alcove, but get stopped in my tracks. “There you are. I've been waiting for you.” I swallow against the sudden dryness in my throat, my vital functions to my dismay elevating. This can not be...


	9. Sweet dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Seven and Kathryn need a lot of rest. It turns out that sleep can help you see things from a different angle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and welcome back to this story, everyone! I hope you are going to enjoy this new chapter! If you do, as always, please be so kind and let me know. I always appreciate your feedback and honest opinions. :)

**1700 hours captain's quarters**

I ask hesitantly. “What are you doing here? The Doctor told me that you were on duty.”

She frowns. “I was on duty, darling, but my shift has already ended. How are you feeling?”

I sigh and approach her, gratefully accepting the hug she is offering me. “Exhausted. I have not been able to regenerate ever since I left the ship. The Doctor advised me to perform a full regeneration cycle right now, to aid my nanoprobes in stabilizing my Borg systems...”

She nods, running her fingers through my hair which makes me sigh in content. I sure missed this, missed her.

When my eyes grow heavy, I tell her. “Kathryn, I should go regenerate now. Otherwise, I will not make it to my alcove anymore. I would much prefer to sleep in bed next to you, but the Doctor was correct. My nanoprobes require regeneration.”

She looks at me gently, placing a kiss on my forehead. “Of course, darling. Let me tuck you in, alright?”

The familiar feeling of butterflies in the pit of my abdomen sends the blood to my cheeks, a smile forming on my face. “That would be very acceptable, lover. I missed you 'tucking me in'. Are you going to watch me regenerate?”

Her cheeks turn that most alluring shade of crimson, nodding shyly. “If it doesn't bother you, my love. I missed watching you regenerate.”

I smirk and kiss her lips softly. “It does not 'bother' me, Kathryn. Instead, it comforts me. Feel free to give in to your desire to observe me 'sleeping'.”

We walk over to my alcove, she keys in the command for a full 96-hour cycle, our lips meet in one last kiss, my eyes slowly closing, the last thing I hear is her saying. “See you in 96 hours, darling. Sweet dreams.”

I blink, looking around the area which is unknown to me. Curious, where am I and how did I get here?

I am Borg. I should be able to recall that kind of information, but I do not.

“Mamaaa!” A small human infant that appears vaguely familiar comes running in my direction, tackling me down with surprising strength.

I look down at the unknown child, asking hesitantly. “You are?”

The child giggles at this. “Very funny, mama. It's me, Anna.”

Anna? Who is this girl and why does she call me mama? It is quite unsettling. I am no parent and I used to address my own mother in this manner once upon a time.

I wish to leave. Then again, it feels so right to have this small girl hug me in this manner. Why?

I ask her gently. “Anna, do you have another parent apart from myself and if so then may you tell me where they are?”

She giggles that adorable, heart-melting giggle of hers again, stating matter-of-factly. “Of course, I have another parent. You're acting strange, mama. Did you hit your head and lost your memories? Mommy's home. She couldn't come with you because of the baby. You forgot this.”

My eyes go wide at her words. So, her other parent is another woman? That is illogical! Two females can't become parents together. I can not have children in general due to my history with the Collective and my abdominal implant preventing me from being able to go on a monthly cycle.

I tell her softly. “I would like to go back 'home' together, Anna. I wish to talk to your mommy.”

She grins widely. “Mommy's gonna be happy that you're coming back home, mama. Let's go!”

We're walking for a good while and I take in our surroundings which appear familiar somehow. Curious. I could swear that I have seen this place before.

After a relatively short walk, we've arrived in front of a house, my eyes widen in surprise and astonishment at the sight of none other than Kathryn sitting in a 'rocking chair' on the front porch of the house, judging by her appearance heavily pregnant.

How? Who is the father of her infant and while we're at it who is the father of Anna? The sickening feeling of jealousy boils up in my stomach at the aspect of my lover sleeping with some male just so that she could become a mother.

I was not even aware that Kathryn had a wish to become a parent, to produce offspring before this point.

I slowly approach her, trying to suppress that most unpleasant, vile feeling, calling out. “Kathryn?”

She looks up, a smile so bright it renders me motionless and causes me to forget how to perspire for a moment brightens her ethereal features, her tone warm, loving. “Darling, I didn't expect you to be back this soon. Did Anna manage to catch up with you still?”

I nod slowly, biting my lip. “She has. I know this might sound... strange right now, but I am not who you think I am.”

She blinks, eyeing me up and down. “You very much look like my wife to me. Did something happen while you were away?”

Wait, what? Did she just call me her... 'wife'?

I am not married to Kathryn, also we do not have offspring, or live in this place, but on a starship. Suddenly it dawns on me. This must be a dream! Now it all makes sense. This dream is most unusual. I have not once before had a dream as vivid, detailed as this one.

I smile softly, deciding to mask that fact and play along I tell her. “You are correct. I am Seven of Nine and you are my lover. I seem to have forgotten quite a few crucial things, I'm afraid. May I know...

Who is the second parent, the male who has impregnated you, the father of Anna, and the infant inside your womb? Also, where are we here?”

Her reaction is not at all what I would have expected.

She smiles softly, explaining patiently. “That's alright, darling. You were out there in the sun for too long it seems. What do you think who our children's second parent is, hm?

I know it's hard to believe, sometimes I can still not believe it myself, but both Anna and the little kicker who's for once asleep in here.” She points at her belly at this. “Are ours. You're in a sense their father, Seven.

Although, you never enjoyed that term which is understandable. You're their second parent and my one and only mate, darling.

Who needs men when you have a wife that possesses nanoprobes?”

She winks at this, my cheeks heating up. Nanoprobes? What do my nanoprobes have to do with any of this? That explanation is beyond unsatisfying.

She speaks up again, I have crouched down to her level for reasons I do not understand, my hands placed on her abdomen. “As for your question, we are home, at our own safe haven.”

I nod slowly, the answer once more not satisfying me but I refrain from asking further questions. My eyes grow wide at a powerful kick that seems to come out of her womb. Was that the infant inside there?

I chuckle. “It appears that our little 'kicker' is awake again, Kathryn.”

She sighs and nods. “She hardly gives me a break, this one. Anna was much more calm and uncomplicated during the pregnancy, much like her godmother.”

I blink. “Her 'godmother'?”

She smiles. “Deanna Troi, darling. The woman without whose help we wouldn't be here like this today and who we named our little Anna after.”

Deanna Troi? Oh, now I see! Anna is short for Deanna.

She asks me. “Seven, do you want to go to back to your lab?”

A lab, that could prove to be helpful.

I nod, answering her. “Yes, I am going to go to my lab for now.”

I lean over, kissing her lips. “I will see you later, lover.”

She smiles. “Yes, darling. Enjoy your lab time.”

I chuckle at her words, stating. “I will, Kathryn.”

Now, if only I knew where my lab is located.

As if on cue Anna appears by my side. “Are you going to your lab?”

I nod. “Yes, I am.”

She looks at me with 'puppy eyes' that she clearly has assimilated from her mommy, tone pleading. “Can I come with you, please?”

I smile softly. “Of course, Anna.”

She beams, tackling me for another hug that makes me feel all warm and 'fuzzy' inside.

She runs ahead, leading the way. It definitely was the right decision to allow her to accompany me. That spares me from having to ask yet another question to which I should know the answer.

Soon we have reached a rather spacious room which clearly is a laboratory of sorts, although it appears rather simplistic in comparison to my Astrometrics lab on Voyager.

Let's see. What was my dream self currently working on? My eyes turn wide when I realize just what it is the Seven from this reality is working on. Nanoprobes?

Anna's eyes are even bigger than usual, stating seriously. “I'm so thankful to these little guys. Without them, we all wouldn't be here right now. They saved mommy and your lives back then after that trip to Nueva Terra. No one thought of nanoprobes, save for my clever mama.”

Nueva Terra? I am about to ask how I helped and what Nueva Terra is but don't manage to do so anymore.

“Regeneration cycle complete.”

I groan out in frustration and irritation, my eyes slowly refocusing on Kathryn who looks at me, concern visible in her eyes. “Darling, is everything alright?”

I feel my cheeks heat up, stepping down the dais, nodding slowly, mumbling. “Nanoprobes.”

She frowns, to my surprise asking me cautiously. “Nanoprobes?”

She heard that?

I explain to her. “I had the most curious dream, Kathryn. It had a lot to do with nanoprobes. They seemed to play a key role in the dream.”

Suddenly it dawns on me. Is that what Anna meant? Nanoprobes saved Kathryn and my lives? Could they be the solution to our problems? I simply have to test my theory.

Kathryn asks curiously. “You were dreaming during your regeneration, darling? I thought regeneration was unlike sleep?”

I shrug, answering her. “I used to think so myself, but there is no mistaking it. I have had a rather vivid dream and I believe nanoprobes might be the solution to our problems.

All this time I had been convinced the solution can only be found on that planet, but my 'intuition' tells me that it was here all along and it is nanoprobes.”

Nanoprobes, hu? I clearly didn't see that one coming. Seven seems so convinced. The fact alone that she trusts her intuition on this makes me proud.

I smile and tell her gently. “If you think that nanoprobes could be the solution then, by all means, darling, go ahead and prove your theory. I hereby grant you permission to work on this project of yours during your duty shift.

It has priority over everything else for the time being. If there is any chance at all, as slim it may be to rid us of our problems we should seize it. Nanoprobes are not exactly the weirdest solution I have heard of.”

She nods, asking carefully. “How are your headaches, lover?”

I smile softly, answering her truthfully. “They've barely gotten any better since we got back from that planet, to be honest. Not even gallons of caffeine help much anymore.”

Her eyes turn wide. “Kathryn. Just how much coffee have you been drinking ever since we arrived back from that planet?”

Damn, I shouldn't have said that. Of course, she would be concerned if I told her this.

I tell her sheepishly. “I've kinda lost count, darling. The fact that you've left that delightful home ground coffee of yours saved on my replicators and replaced the regular black coffee with it made it even harder to resist...”

She sighs, cupping my cheeks. “You truly are a lost cause, Kathryn. I promise to find a solution for those headaches. Also, when was the last time you slept?”

I bite my lip, muttering. “I haven't slept properly ever since you last slept next to me, my love...”

She exclaims in shock. “This long? Kathryn, you must sleep! It is not surprising you have been drinking coffee in raw amounts without proper regeneration. Is insomnia part of your problems caused by whatever it was that most likely had to do with that planet?”

I frown, pondering. “Honestly, it started with me sleeping far more than usual shortly before our shore leave back then and ever since you had left it has turned into insomnia instead...”

She states. “Curious. I will take that into consideration as well then. In my own case, it is mainly those emotional outbursts, especially the tendency to cry. Kathryn, am I correct thinking your shift has ended?”

I nod, answering her carefully. “It has ended, yes. Why are you asking, darling?”

I feel my cheeks heat up as she answers me. “You shall sleep, lover. I am aware that it is still very early, but you are in dire need of regeneration. Do you require a hypospray with a sedative to help you fall asleep?

I would stay by your side, but I have to start on my research.”

I sigh softly. “I guess a sedative is the second-best option if you aren't available as my sleep buddy, darling.”

She pecks my lips, a surprised squeal leaves my lips as she lifts me up, carrying me over to the bed. “I will go to sickbay and ask the Doctor to prepare a hypospray with a sedative for you, Kathryn. In the meantime, you should get ready for bed.”

I smile gratefully. “Thank you, my love. I will do that.”

A groan leaves my lips at the sharp pain penetrating my skull. Just when she has left. I tap my comm badge, hailing her. “Janeway to Seven of Nine.”

After mere seconds she replies. “Seven here. Did you forget something, Kathryn?”

I ask her. “Could you also ask the Doctor for a painkiller, please? Those headaches are unbearable.”

She answers, voice laced in concern, making me feel guilty. “Of course, Kathryn. I will be back shortly. Stay in bed. I am going to assist in changing you into your 'sleepwear' later. Seven out.”

This is so humiliating! I'm captain of a starship. I shouldn't need help changing into my sleepwear. Yet, those raging headaches combined with the lack of sleep turn even the simplest tasks like changing into a thing of the impossible.

I blink at the blue light of the transporter beam and am soon greeted by Seven who's carrying two hyposprays.

I ask her curiously. “Why did you order a direct transport here, darling?”

She answers matter-of-factly. “I did not wish to waste any more precious time using the turbolift up here, knowing you were suffering and require my assistance. Take this hypospray first, Kathryn. It contains the painkiller.”

I nod, accepting the hypospray she holds out to me, pressing it against my neck. A sigh of relief escapes my lips at the immediate effect, my headaches slowly subsiding.

I tell her gently. “I feel much better already, Seven. Feel free to go back to sickbay and start to conduct your research there.”

She shakes her head. “I will not. I promised you that I am going to help you get changed and I am going to keep true to my word.”

I feel my cheeks heat up as she starts to undress me in her ever-efficient way, licking her lips once I'm lying there in front of her in the nude.

It sure has been a while...

She helps me into my nightgown, whispering in my ear hotly. “Once you have slept sufficiently, I am going to give you a reward, lover.”

I whimper as she tugs at my earlobe teasingly, nodding. “I'll be looking forward to that, darling.”

She winks at me and I press the hypospray with the sedative against my neck. “Sweet dreams, my Kathryn. I will see you in a few hours.”

I would have much preferred to stay with Kathryn, that much is true. It surely has been far too long since we have last made love which is mainly my fault. Still, she requires sleep and I have to at least attempt to find a solution for our problems.

When I enter sickbay again, the EMH greets me, voice low. “How is our patient, Seven?”

I smile softly. “She is hopefully sleeping now, Doctor. As I told you earlier, I believe I might know of a solution to solve our problems.”

He nods, asking me curiously. “That solution being?”

His eyes widen comically when I tell him simply. “Nanoprobes.”

He blinks, asking incredulously. “Nanoprobes?”

I sigh and answer firmly. “Yes, nanoprobes. I am as of yet uncertain as to how exactly they might help us, but I have a strong suspicion that they are the key.

They have helped me a lot in the past, after all.”

He nods slowly. “That might be so, but I fail to see how they are supposed to help the Captain and the Commander, Seven. They are humans after all.”

I grit my teeth. I had almost forgotten all about that man. Almost.

I decide to use methods I do not enjoy using, hoping they might prove effective in convincing him. “Can you at least allow me to run some tests on the probes? Please, Doctor.”

I know my attempt was successful when he tells me, tone gentle. “Alright, Seven. I guess there's nothing wrong with trying.”

Perfect! I enter his office where the probes are stored and am about to grab them but he beats me to it. “Let me help you with this, Seven.”

I nod. “Acceptable. I could use some assistance.”

My dream had better be right about this. I did not deem nanoprobes to be a lifesaver before.

I guess sometimes it takes help from an outside source to be able to see things from a different angle...


	10. Realizations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kathryn has a dream which makes her realize a few crucial things and Seven and she have an important discussion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to this story, my lovely readers! I apologize for the delay in updates, but I was not in my best state these past few days. I hope you are going to enjoy this new chapter, however. If you do, please be so kind to let me know. I always appreciate your feedback. :)

I look around, frowning. Where am I? This almost looks like... Home? The farm back there in Bloomington. How can this be? The smells in the air are those of the farm as well. It certainly is the Janeway farm. There's no doubt in my mind now.

When did I make it back home?

A familiar set of arms wraps around me from behind, that alluring alto whispering in my ear. “Hello, gorgeous. You look a little lost here. Are you well?”

I swallow and nod slowly, mumbling. “I was confused for a moment, but I'm fine now that you're here, lover.”

I squeak, my cheeks heating up when she suddenly lifts me up without warning and carries me up the stairs, presumably to my bedroom. “S-Seven, what are you doing?”

She states matter-of-factly. “You require rest, Kathryn. I believe we should postpone our initial plans to another time.”

I frown, asking hesitantly. “Our initial plans?”

She answers, ocular implant raised, tone concerned. “Attempting to procreate, lover. I have reprogrammed my nanoprobes accordingly. Everything is prepared from my side, but if you are not in the right state then we shall wait...”

Nanoprobes? To... what now?

I feel the blood rush to my cheeks, my voice sounds hoarse when I answer her. “No, I'm fine, darling. I'm ready too. Let's do this now.”

She licks her lips, sending a jolt to my groin, her voice dark. “Very well, lover.”

She gently places me on my bed, something tells me it's no longer merely my bed but hers as well and within seemingly the blink of an eye she has efficiently undressed me before undressing herself in the same manner.

I pull her down on top of me the moment she's done undressing, eager to feel her body against mine. It feels like it's been so long since we have last been intimate.

My cheeks heat up once again as she whispers hotly. “Impatient as always, lover.”

I feel tears brim in my eyes when she adds softly. “I missed you too, Kathryn. It has been far too long. I apologize for making you wait.”

Our lips meet in a kiss that effectively knocks the wind out of my pipes and causes my mind to swirl, our hands interlocking, bodies rocking against each other. Oh, Gods! How I have missed this, missed her.

I feel my body convulse as her core presses against mine, our love juice mingling. She grunts, pressing out. “Now!”

I frown, gasping when I suddenly feel a small cool object pressing against my opening. Then it dawns on me. That must be the probe!

I start to shiver, my body suddenly feels like it's on fire, all my senses heightened, her heartbeat in my ear, the scent of her arousal, mixed with her own clean scent in my nostrils, everything I see looking even clearer, brighter, my body seeming to sing, the headaches I've been plagued with every single day for years suddenly a mere distant memory anymore, my body feeling fresh, rejuvenated.

This is amazing! I kiss her lips deeply, grinding even harder against her, causing her to growl in a primal, oh so sensual way.

She tugs at my earlobe, growling possessively. “Mine, you are all mine, Kathryn Janeway!”

I feel my body spasming, crying out in bliss, my toes curling, nails digging into her back, scratching it. “All y-yours, Sevennnn!”

I pant out heavily, an almost painful smile tugging at my lips, whispering. “I think it's safe to say that that was a success, lover.”

The adorable gummy smile brightening up her features melts my heart.

She pecks my forehead, mumbling. “It's not guaranteed, I am afraid, but chances are very high that it was a success indeed, my love. Either way, I would not mind repeating this. The experience certainly was elating.”

I chuckle and tell her teasingly. “Elating, hu? I guess that's one way you can put it, darling. I do feel elated myself right now, in fact, I haven't felt this youthful and fresh in years. Those nanoprobes of yours truly are fascinating.”

She smirks, ocular implant raised. “That probe was sent to you with love by your beloved wife. Of course, it would cause you to feel good, lover. You look refreshed indeed, much like that first time we met back then on Unimatrix Zero One.”

I blush. W-wife? Whenever did that happen?

**2200 hours captain's quarters**

I wake up, feeling disoriented for a moment. It takes a while before I realize where I am. It was a dream? It must've been considering I'm still very much here, on Voyager in my quarters, alone.

I choke up, a profound feeling of emptiness gripping at my heart. “Kathryn, are you awake?”

I swallow, my eyes turning wide. That voice. Can it be? Oh, Gods! Of course, she's back!

The tears now run freely down my cheeks and I let them, replying to her. “I am, lover.”

She joins me once she's out of uniform, a frown shadowing those ethereal features, causing the all too familiar vile guilt to bubble up in the pit of my stomach.

She gently wipes away my tears, asking. “Kathryn, what is wrong? Did you have another nightmare? I apologize for coming back so late...”

I smile and kiss her cheek. “It's fine, lover. No, I didn't have a nightmare. In fact, quite the opposite. I dreamt of us making love...

Well, technically, we were attempting to create our first child with the aid of your nanoprobes that you had reprogrammed in a specific way to apparently be able to impregnate me.

The feeling when the probe entered me was... it was like nothing I had ever felt before. It came close to being reborn again.”

She smiles, gently caressing my cheek, her lips brushing against mine, making me gasp softly, her voice whispering against my lips tickles in the most exciting way. “Soon, my love. We will turn this dream into a reality.

The fact that we both dreamt similar dreams surrounding nanoprobes and children has to be a sign.

May I ask? Where were we in this dream of yours? What was our location? I was unable to figure it out myself, although, it did appear vaguely familiar.”

Her eyes turn wide when I answer her. “It was the farm back in Bloomington, Indiana, Seven.”

She gasps. “Your family's farm, back on Earth? Does this mean we are going to make it back there soon? How can this be?”

I frown. She's got a point there. I've been asking myself the same. Our journey should still take decades. Also, it might have looked a lot like the farm, but something felt off.

I tell her hesitantly. “In all honesty, I'm not so sure if it truly was the farm, Seven. Sure, it did look almost exactly like it, even the smells were the same.

Yet, the whole time I couldn't help but feel like something just didn't feel right, something was amiss. However, I can't for the life of me tell you what that something was.”

She nods, musing. “One thing I for one deemed curious now that I think about it, was the fact that the house seemed oddly empty. Of course, we were both there and so was our eldest daughter, but where was Gretchen?”

I gasp. Oh my God, she's right! Mom wasn't around. How come I didn't notice that before?

I nod. “You're right, Seven! Mom wasn't around. She's very much alive still, however, so that makes no sense. Unless...

It actually wasn't the farm, merely a place that looked almost exactly like it.”

She nods slowly. “That does sound logical. However, why would there be a place which appears almost exactly like your family's farm back on Earth, Kathryn, and where would said place be?”

Suddenly her eyes turn wide and she whispers. “Nueva Terra! That must be it.”

I frown at her words. Nueva Terra? New Earth?

I ask her cautiously. “I don't think I can follow your train of thought, darling. Care to enlighten me? What's Nueva Terra?”

I bite my lip. How much can I share with her?

Something tells me that I shall best not reveal the name of our eldest daughter to her yet. I do not know why I feel like doing so might be a bad idea, but I decide to refrain from sharing said information regardless and instead simply tell her. “In my dream earlier it was mentioned briefly.

I am not certain if it indeed is the planet we are going to be living on in the future, however, nor do I know when exactly said future is going to be.”

She nods, telling me pensively. “I had considered settling down somewhere here in the Delta Quadrant already, to be honest. It seems like we're going to go through with that plan then if those dreams of ours are anything to go by.”

I frown. “You would stay here, in this quadrant, Kathryn? I was convinced you would do anything in your might to get back home to the Alpha Quadrant, to Earth one of these days, to reunite with your family, or at the very least, be able to go back to Bloomington, Indiana, to the farm?”

She smiles sadly. “Darling, be honest with me. How realistic is that, in my lifetime? Sure, we might've managed to cut down considerable amounts of the original time it would've taken for us to get back there over the course of the years since we first got stranded out here.

Still, it would most likely take another few decades before we would finally arrive back after all and by that time, mom would certainly not be around anymore, and quite possibly, neither would I-”

I interrupt her. “Do not say that, Kathryn. You can not know that for certain. You are by no means old, even if you keep on claiming that. Why would you not be alive anymore by the time we get back to the Alpha Quadrant?

And your mother is a Janeway. She is very determined to meet you again in her lifetime, Kathryn. The last time we have talked, she sounded very optimistic in terms of that and was looking forward to meeting me as well.”

She has turned silent, worrying me. Have I said something wrong again? Have I upset her, hurt her?

After 9.3 minutes she mutters, her voice thick with tears, sending a sting to my heart. “Can you hold me, please, Seven?”

I nod and instead of responding, simply wrap my arms around her petite frame, holding her close to me, gently running one hand through her hair, hoping to be able to provide her comfort.

She is correct. It was foolish of me to think that we could ever reach Earth again during her mother's lifetime. Gretchen Janeway might still appear very fit for a woman her age, but even so, it is highly unlikely for her to live indefinitely long.

I would have truly loved to meet that woman for real, see the farm, meet Kathryn's younger sister Phoebe as well, see the place she grew up in back on Earth, but it is unfortunately not very realistic for us to achieve these things still being all the way out here, tens of thousands of lightyears away from Bloomington, Indiana, from the farm, from Gretchen and Phoebe Janeway...

After a while, she asks me. “By the way, is there any progress on your research already? Is there a way that nanoprobes can cure us?”

I gently kiss her forehead and answer her firmly. “Yes. I am convinced that there is. Even the Doctor agreed with me after running a few tests on the probes together at his lab earlier. We will be cured, Kathryn and I guess so will...”

I gulp, suppressing the wave of nausea that is once again threatening to build up. “Commander Chakotay...”

She frowns, to my shock, asking me, voice laced in concern. “Darling, just what happened that day at your lab?”

I feel the familiar symptoms of a beginning 'panic attack' arise inside me at her question.

I had hoped against hope that she would not ask me this question again.

It appears that my hopes had been futile...


	11. Better together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seven finally comes clean about what has happened that day in her lab and Kathryn is determined to consult Deanna Troi to get her lover professional help to deal with the trauma. Both lovers are glad to be reunited, having missed each other's company dearly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to this story, my lovely readers. It has been a while, hasn't it? I hope you're all going to enjoy this update! :)

**2300 hours captain's quarters**

The fact that she doesn't say anything is highly concerning. Maybe it was a mistake to ask her that question. Still, I simply have to know what happened that morning. This uncertainty is killing me.

She takes in a shuttering breath, I gently squeeze her hand that's placed on my lap, reassuring her.

She slowly speaks up. “I had arrived for my shift early that morning, leaving me the only person in my lab. My enhanced hearing picked up the Commander's angry, hard footfall long before he entered.

When he entered I immediately noticed that something was severely off. His pheromone levels were increased, the stench of his testosterone in combination with his sweat made me sick to the stomach.

His eyes looked wild, his pupils were dilated. I had a hard time not gagging as the stench of his pheromones kept wafting into my nostrils.

I instantly stopped him from further approaching me by grabbing him by the collar with my Borg enhanced left.

He chuckled at this, seemingly amused, stating. “Feisty, are we? I know you want this as much as I do, Seven. How about that? You let me down and we'll have a little fun together, me and you.”

That rotten piece of... My poor darling!

She chokes and presses out. “T-then he said... Let me show you what 'real' sex is...”

I grit my teeth. “That jerk! Influenced by some outer force or not, this is no way to talk to any of my crew, much less my lover! To think I trusted this man as my First Officer for all this time. This is making me sick. 

Seven, I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you from his assault, prevent this from happening...” 

The familiar guilt bubbles up in the pit of my stomach. Why was I not there with her? Why did I not see the telltale signs of Chakotay's beginning psychosis? 

I blink when she mutters. “Do you wish me to tell you how it continued on or not, Kathryn?” 

There's more? 

I nod, telling her seriously. “I want to know the whole story, darling. After all, I'll have to decide on a proper punishment for Chakotay at some point. We can't keep him in stasis forever.” 

Seven nods slowly, biting her lip. “I tightened my grip on him, having a hard time to contain the boiling rage inside me, telling him in an icy tone. 

“How dare you talk to me like that? What are you taking me for, Commander? I do not wish to do anything to you apart from kicking you where it hurts the most! You should know better than to test my patience.

I love Kathryn, we are lovers, in a serious relationship, I am not, I repeat that for you not interested in you in any form or way! Did I make myself clear? You are obviously deluded and belong to sickbay. I am going to initiate emergency transport there now.”

That's my girl! I have a hard time containing the pride her words evoke inside me.

She swallows and continues, tone silent. “He tightened his jaw, obviously displeased, angry, hissing out between gritted teeth. “You'll do none of that, Borg! Let go of me this instant. I'm not deluded. In fact, I haven't seen more clearly than I do at this very moment.

You're scum. I can't believe Kathryn would stoop so low as to associate with the likes of you. No fraternizing, my ass! She went to that Borg cube, snitching you from there so she'd have a nice little pet to play with.

I could have given her children, provided her with a proper family and the sex would've been far better than those blasphemous actions the two of you are performing with each other. The mere imagination of the two of you being 'intimate' makes me wanna retch!”

How dare this bastard?

I pull Seven close to me, running my hands through her hair soothingly, her body shaken by violent sobs. “Gods, darling. This is infuriating! Had I been there, I would've taught him a lesson, you can believe me there.

I hope you didn't believe a single one of those vile words he said to you. I never once considered getting involved with him in any form or way. Something always held me back from giving in to his approaches and I think I finally know what it was.

That man is the worst!”

She bites her lip, her gaze turned down. “I might have allowed my anger to get the best of me, lost control after he threw those words at me...”

I blink and ask her cautiously. “What have done, darling? Don't worry. Whatever it might've been, no one can expect you to stay calm and collected when he acts like this, outwardly insults and provokes you like this.

You won't have to face any consequences, Seven because if anything you acted in self-defense.”

She nods slowly and mutters embarrassingly. “I threw him against the wall and I think his skull must've cracked. The sound of it was downright sickening and there was blood everywhere which she saw when you entered my lab later.

I then finally initiated emergency transport to sickbay where the Doctor immediately greeted us, already aware of the Commander's state, telling me you had informed him about it. He then sedated him and erected a level ten force field around the medbay, monitoring his vitals.”

I must admit that I do feel rather nauseous at the imagination of that sound of a cracking skull. Still, the situation demanded action and Seven acted in self-defense, right?

She looks at me with a crestfallen expression, guilt lacing her voice. “Can this still be considered self-defense, Kathryn? Please be honest with me. According to Starfleet rules and regulations. Can my actions still be considered self-defense?”

I gently caress her face. “Yes, darling. My earlier statement stays the same. You acted in self-defense. It's not like you had planned to crack his skull after all. You were understandably infuriated and desperate to get him to sickbay where he clearly belonged.

Since he kept on refusing medical attention and kept disobeying it was the only option you had to knock him unconscious. You might've underestimated your own strength a little there, but other than that anyone else would've reacted similarly in that situation, I'm sure. I know I clearly would have.”

She sighs and buries her face in my chest. “Hm. I guess you are right, Kathryn. It was terrifying to lose control like that, however. Now in recap I feel like a monster...”

I frown, stating. “If anyone is a monster here, it's him. I can only hope for him that he is gonna apologize to you once he has regained his senses. It's the very least he can do.

However, the damage is done. You seemed terrified of him that day in sickbay, merely saying his name still seems to be difficult to you.”

She bites her lip and nods. “You are correct. I can, in all honesty, not imagine having to face him again. The mere thought makes me feel sick...”

My poor darling. It's situations like this I wish we had a counselor on board. Seven is clearly traumatized by those events and could use one. Of course, I know a counselor!

I tell her gently. “Darling, what would you say if I tried contacting Deanna. With a little luck, we could establish a communications link and you could talk to her. How does that sound to you?”

She nods. “Acceptable.”

Oh, my. Looks like we're back to Borg speech now.

I blink when she suddenly kisses me hard on the lips, pressing me down on the mattress, climbing on top of me. Oh, my. We've had this situation before.

I carefully retreat from her, cupping her face, looking into her eyes. “I don't think this is a good idea right now, Seven. You're in no state to make love and it's already very late. Let's go back to sleep together, alright?

We'll both have to get up very early tomorrow, or rather today and I know that you must be exhausted from working with the Doctor earlier and the talk we just had. You need rest.”

She sighs and nods slowly, her tone sounding distant. “As you wish.”

I frown and caress her arm. “Darling, I'm concerned for your well-being that including your mental health. This is nothing personal. You know that I love you, right?”

She averts her gaze, my heart starts to ache at a lone tear trickling down her right cheek, her tone sounding small and vulnerable. “After what I had just told you I was not so sure about that anymore. I am... repulsed by my own actions, Kathryn.

I should probably sleep on the couch tonight. I do not wish to harm you...”

I frown, gently wiping the tear from her cheek. “Seven, you won't harm me. I told you earlier that your actions were justified and I meant it. You were left with no choice. It was you or him. That situation could've very well been life-threatening.

Out of personal experience, I know that Chakotay possesses quite the amount of physical strength and he's even stronger and more forceful when deluded.

I understand that you are shocked by your own actions, but please don't think any less of yourself, or see yourself as a monster because of what happened that day.

Please stay, darling. I miss falling asleep in your arms.”

I swallow against the dryness in my throat, carefully pulling her close to me, still somewhat afraid I might hurt her otherwise. I bury my face in her hair, inhaling my favorite scent deeply, sighing in content.

How I missed this, how I missed her, my Kathryn.

I whisper in her ear. “I love you, Kathryn, always.”

My heart figuratively melts when I notice her breathing has turned even, her vital functions lowered. I guess she has a lot of catching up to do in terms of sleep.

That makes me feel even more guilty for having decided to go back on that planet by myself to try and find a cure. Now that I know that the cure was right in front of me, or rather inside of me the whole time, I feel like such a fool.

I feel my own eyes grow heavy, lulled to sleep by the scent of my lover and the comfort of her embrace combined with her body heat radiating off on me.

I blink my eyes open, smiling at the sight of a still sleeping Kathryn. After carefully detaching my clingy lover from me, all the while making sure not to wake her, I creep into the kitchen to prepare breakfast the traditional way, knowing she will appreciate it.

Once I've carefully prepared my special home ground coffee for her, I prepare banana pancakes next, all the traditional way. The days Kathryn had to replicate those things for herself are over.

Now that I am back, I will personally make sure she will only get the best food and coffee made out of fresh, real ingredients. I walk back to the bedroom and get blessed by the heavenly sight of a currently waking up Kathryn.

She stretches herself, once more reminding me of a feline, her disheveled 'bedhair' causing my fingers to itch to touch and fix it, yet at the same time, I must admit that she looks so imperfectly perfect right now.

I quickly file this image into my cortical node before approaching her, sitting on the bed next to her. “Good morning, lover. I have prepared breakfast for you. Would you like to consume it in bed, or at the dining table?”

We exchange a quick kiss and she asks me. “Could you tell me what time it is, darling?”

I quickly check my inner chronometer before responding to her. “It is 0530 hours.”

She smiles. “In that case, I'd love to have breakfast in bed, darling. I truly missed your breakfast, Seven. The replicator simply can't compare to the real deal when it comes down to it.”

I raise my ocular implant, telling her suggestively. “I do hope so, Kathryn. The replicator also can not act as a lover towards you. Even though it is constructed out of very similar components that my Borg systems are composed of as well.”

She blushes softly, biting her lip. “Darling, please don't remind me of that discussion we had back then. Oh, my. I still feel guilty for how I reacted that time.”

I smile and tell her sincerely. “Those days are long gone, lover. I hold no grudge against you for that anymore. Now, allow me to feed you. If that is acceptable to you.”

She grins. “That's very acceptable, darling. You know how much I love getting pampered by you, but pshht. This should never leave these quarters.”

I wink at her. “Do not worry, Kathryn. Your secret is safe with me. I know that as captain of a Starfleet vessel you wish to always be respected by your crew and seen as strong, independent.

Yet, something you may refer to as intuition tells me that our fellow crew members would not mind hearing their captain enjoys being pampered by her lover. They would probably be happy for you.”

She chuckles. “You're right. I bet they would thank you for it too. Before we became official I must've often been unbearable, moody, unpredictable...”

I peck her forehead, carefully feeding her with a piece of the pancake. “You were lonely, severely touch-starved, and had led a very unhealthy lifestyle along with a very unhealthy diet mainly consisting of coffee, you were suffering from insomnia, depression, stress-induced headaches, chronic neck and back pains, not to forget you lived in this unhealthy self-imposed celibacy of yours.

Taking all those things into consideration, you have done an impressive job holding this ship and its crew together all this time, Kathryn. I, for one, am very proud of you.”

My eyes widen in alarm at sniffling sounds coming from her. Oh, no! I did not mean to make her cry.

I gently cup her cheek, muttering. “I apologize, lover. I did not mean to make you cry...”

She smiles softly, telling me sincerely. “There's no need to apologize, darling. Everything you said was true and it makes me feel all the more grateful to have found you and be lucky enough to have you as my lover.

Without you, I would still be all those things you just listed and I honestly don't know how much longer I would've been able to do that before I would've fallen into my demise.

So, thank you, Seven. Thank you for loving me, saving me, and accepting me just the way I am, with all my flaws and weaknesses.

You're the first person I ever trusted enough to show my vulnerable side to and it feels so good to finally be able to let go, at least when I'm off duty and we're here in our quarters.”

I smile and kiss her lips. “I am thankful as well to have found you, that you allowed me to love you. There is no doubt in my mind that we were meant to be, destined.

One day I am going to make you my wife, Kathryn Janeway. That is a promise.”

She blushes softly, causing me to coo. “You're making me feel all mushy, Seven. When did you ever get so sappy, hm? It's not even 0600. My, oh my.”

I state matter-of-factly. “I am not being 'sappy', lover. I was merely stating the truth. It is my wish to get married to you in the future and have offspring together.”

She winks. “You should continue your research on your nanoprobes with the Doctor then, darling. First, we need to find a cure for our medical issues then we can think about procreating.”

I nod in determination. “I will comply.”

She coughs, her cheeks turning my favorite shade of crimson, her voice hoarse. “Seven...”

I smile in mock innocence. “Yes, Kathryn? Is there something wrong?”

She rolls her eyes, making me growl.

I lick my lips, my voice dark in arousal. “You shall finish breakfast quickly, so we can have dessert still.”

She blushes even harder, licking her lips. “Y-you want to... after breakfast?”

I nod. “Indeed.”


End file.
